Lights, camera, action.

 


 Man, movies are fantastic, aren't they? Not only does the guy almost always get the girl, but the guy is the most amazing, thoughtful, gentle person that girl has ever met. Oh, and he knows all the right things to say and all the right things to do as well. The nice guys are Super Nice Guys and the assholes are Super Assholes usually. It's an exaggeration in all directions.
    Let's look into this further, shall we? As a young girl I remember when I watched movies and how mesmerized I was by the stories that unfolded on the screen. One of my favorites was Cinderella. If you aren't familiar with the story I will give you the short version. Basically, it is about a poor young girl who lives with her evil step mother and sisters. She is forced to do all the horrible chores around the house because her step sisters and mother are jealous with how fair of a maiden she is. So they knock down her self esteem a couple notches by making her the mule. When the king puts on a ball in honor of his son to find a suitable wife invitations are sent to every household in the kingdom. Of course, Cinderella was forbidden to go. Poor Cinderella. Have no fear though, a fairy godmother comes to her rescue and bibbidy boppity boos a new dress, a fancy new carriage, and some lovely glass shoes that will come in handy later on. I could have used a fairy godmother a couple of times. So much for a tear drop away, eh? She makes it to the ball just in the nick of time and scores a dance with her handsome price. Not only that, but she isn't even recognized by her step mother and sisters...go fairy god mother. Apparently, a new dress and an updo will turn you into a brand new person.
     After she dances her heart out the clock strikes twelve and she must make her way back to her shabby little residence before the prince sees her in her unbecoming garb. As she runs out on her prince, she loses a shoe on the steps and that is all the prince has to find her again. Not only does he find her, but he goes through every house in the kingdom and has each eligible maiden try on the shoe. Fortunately, no one else has Cinderella's shoe size. She must have been like a 6 and 3/4 or something. Anyway, she found her prince and he whisked her away to spend the rest of her live in a lovely castle. Not only that, but there was not a word uttered about the fact that she was a peasant and not of high birth. Yeah, it isn't all about money but usually a prince marries a princes and she wasn't a princess. I guess that just shows you that love turns a blind eye to things like that. So.. that's what all men do, right? Not only would they search for that one girl house by house, but he only has eyes for that one girl. No one else that he came across happened to interest him. None. Even when every single girl was throwing themselves at him in order to have a shot to be with a prince. Yeah, seems legit.
    This doesn't just happen with Disney movies though. For example, The Notebook. I think it is fair to say that the majority of the girl population has seen this movie. I'm going to show you one instance of the ridiculousness that this movie presents to our distorted image of what a guy should do for his girlfriend.

I'll give you a minute to soak that in. Seriously? By the way, I am mostly pointing out that this was in response to one single text. It isn't like he didn't answer all your other messages. "He didn't respond to one of my texts, it must mean he doesn't care that much." Ugh. Now lets look the 365 letters that were written. A letter every day for a year. Not even I would do that. I couldn't even do that when Captain Douchebag was in boot camp. I pretty much just wrote when I got a letter. This just screams desperation to me and that is a big turn off...that, and the odds of a guy doing that and not being a creeper? 1 in uh like a billion or something. I don't know. I don't do math.
    Keeping with the Christmas season there is another favorite movie of mine, The Holiday. A movie where two broken hearted girls decide that they want to get away from their current lives for the Christmas holiday and have some time to themselves. The girls, Amanda and Iris, swap places and stay in each others houses over the holiday. Amanda ventures to London and Iris hops over to LA. When Amanda arrives she just happens to come upon Iris's brother Graham. Not only is he ridiculously handsome and has a British accent, but they sleep together after knowing each other only hours and he wants to call her the next day. What?! I know. Unreal. Graham is exceedingly charming and only grows on Amanda as he continues to want to spend time with her. Yeah, he wants to spend time with her and get to know her. It gets better....He is a sweet, charming gentlemen and only sets standards for normal guys incredibly high.
   While Iris is in LA trying to nurse her wounds she also meets a charming young fellow, Miles. He is the perfect mix of cute, funny and sweet to make you want to puke. Although he doesn't have an accent he still was able to push up those standards even more. He gave her the best compliments, he told clever jokes, and gave her heart that perfect pick me up she needed. Excuse me while I get a drink to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth....
    Ok, ok, I am only exaggerating. Well, about the vomiting part. I am a hopeless romantic and I soak up every minute that comes across the screen in movies like this. I LOVE this shit. That's exactly what it is though, shit. I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade at all, but I guess I have come to terms with my unrealistic expectations of love that I have. Sure, there are guys out there that are sweet, charming, thoughtful, handsome and have a British accent....but they don't have those qualities all the time. No one can really. I mean, I am not always the bubbly, cheery, peppy girl you have all come to know and love. I admit it. I can be a bitch sometimes. Only sometimes though....
   Anyway, to my point of all of this rambling. Movies create lovely thoughts and idealistic standards that we can look for in our dating escapades and even into marriage, but the fact is is that girls hold guys accountable to these ideals. I am guilty of this too... A person can only do so much and even I have gotten tired of too much mushy. Sure, it looks all peachy on the big screen, but that relationship realistically lasted only an hour and a half. Two and a half at the most. They also don't get into all the grit that comes along with a relationship either that makes it impossible sometimes to maintain a lovey dovey atmosphere in the relationship.
  Movies aren't the only culprit in this though. Books are just as guilty, but that is for another post possibly. Trust me, you don't want to get me started on how horrible Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey are for a relationship.....Dear god. I guess what I am saying is don't get wrapped up into Hollywood and the way that they try to portray love and relationships. Not only will you set yourself up for disappointment, but you're only setting yourself up for failure. Kind of like the bad boy thing. Just realize that not every guy can be a Noah, Graham or Prince Charming, but they can try to be something close to it. So recognize their effort and appreciate the version of Prince Charming that you are sharing a love story with, not who you aren't.

Oh, those bad boys.

I think I must be trying to channel my inner Carrie Bradshaw with this blog now, but I don't think it will be nearly as entertaining or successful as hers by any means. I saw a post from someone on an Ecard and it made me think if there was any truth behind what was written.

It really made me think. I had to think pretty hard since that was a long time to remember back to and my memory is shitty as it is. In the days of recess, show and tell, and cooties is when this phrase first was presented to a young, innocent girl. I can recall being told this exact thing by multiple people. That was how you showed you cared because it wasn't cool to pick a flower for a girl or write a boy a note back then. Heaven forbid you let any of your friends know that you liked one of those cootie infested boys running around on the playground. This was the perfect starting point for all those bad boys to start to grow into their bad habits. A little 'love tap' here and there, a pull of a pony tail, a few harsh words that were really sprinkled with love started the attraction of the girl to the dreaded 'Bad Boy'.
    How could we not be attracted when we were told that his mistreating was really a sign of affection? I mean, the shy boy who never says anything to his crush gets over shadowed by the kid that throws dirt in her face. Romantic, eh? To look back on it, we were doomed from the start. As we aged the bad boys only got worse. Once cooties were out of the picture it was a lot easier for us to latch on to them even with our friends watching. The silent, brooding type that sat in the back of the classroom and only talked to a select few were the top choice for many a high school girls. Or you had the boy in a band. Not band, but in a band. Nothing said rebellion to your parents like dating a guy in a hard rock band. Ok, not really. I didn't really know any of those kind of guys. There were the guys into pot, the ones that drank on the weekends and went to the 'cool' parties, and the dark, mysterious boys that you never really knew what they did.
    All those nights spent crying over that guy that never returns your call, disses you in front of his friends, or lies about where he's going or been all came from the playground. I mean, it can only mean that he really likes you when he does this to you, right? That's what they said. Well, at least until you get older. Then it turns into "You deserve better than this, you need a guy that will treat you how you should be treated."

  WTF? Really? When did the tables turn? I thought that it meant they liked you when they treated you like shit? No? Damn. As we age, the bad boy becomes even more intriguing. They meant adventure, excitement, and unforgettable nights. Or so you thought. Usually, they just meant that you ended up without a date Friday night because he was actually out with someone else instead. The same lines that lured you in worked on another unsuspecting girl that was hypnotized by the bad boy allure. It was hard to resist sometimes. There was that twinkle in their eye, a slight little smirk or just the way they dressed that pulled you in like a bee to honey. They disguised their stingers rather well.
      However, I will give the bad boys some credit for something. Through all their manipulation, lies and deceit they really do bring a true appreciation for the nice guys. I think I can safely speak for the majority of the female population when I say that the bad boys are merely a phase. When we are younger we want to have fun with the bad boys and get all the partying out of our system, but when it comes to settling down....
     A bad boy just won't do. Unless, it's a reformed bad boy who realized his horrible ways and was looking to redeem themselves from their previous behavior. You see, when a girl looks to the long term they don't want adventure and excitement, they want stability, security and someone responsible. This can only come from those nice guys that were over looked. Unfortunately, many of those nice guys have turned bitter from being disregarded previously for their adversary. I will take this moment to apologize profusely for our ridiculous behavior. Seriously. I'm sorry, nice guys.
    Anyway, it is true that nice guys do finish last, but that doesn't have to mean it's a bad thing. I guess to put a positive spin on it, wouldn't you rather be appreciated once they finally get priorities in order, than to be tossed away because they really don't understand the true appeal of the nice guy? In my dating adventures the last couple of years, I found I couldn't get away from the bad boy no matter how hard I tried. When you no longer want them it seems like they are in an endless supply. The attractiveness of what the nice guy could offer was all I could see and all I really wanted, but like I mentioned above once bitten twice shy they say....The hiding spots seem to be endless for the nice guys. That, or there were other girls who learned their lesson long before I did and took one out of the population. I'm throwing an apology out there again on behalf of the stupid girls out there (myself included) who took a little while to see the true value that you guys hold. I really hope that the bitterness doesn't get to your core and harden you too much. You lucky gentlemen are the ones that they choose to start a life and family with, share lifetime adventures with, and the ones they grow old with. If you ask me, I think you guys are the true winners. Yes, it may take a little bit of time for us to realize that we were all wrong, but in our defense it was ingrained into us from the beginning. So please, don't hold that against us. Or rather, against those who don't know what gems you gentlemen truly are.

Taking a different path...

I didn't realize how long it had been since I posted on here. For a while, I couldn't remember who it was that was next. I lost my list that I had made to keep track of who I wanted to post about. After that, I was just lazy and didn't really want to get on here and write. Although, I am sure many of you have been hanging on by the edge of your seats.... *Crickets chirp* Yeah, that's pretty much what I thought. 
   I decided that I am just going to use this as kind of a journal thing about my current, or rather most recent, adventures and whatever else is on my mind. I know I have a journal that I could write in, but since I am lazy and don't really want to do that. So, I'm not going to. In the last few months, I have had to deal with quite a few speed bumps along the way in my quest of romance. Actually, it was more like turbulence rather than a speed bump. It messed me up pretty bad. I suppose I should give a background on this guy since he was in my history as well as my present. Oh, and a name. He needs a name. This is the story of Cool Rider.
    It began one fateful night a few years back in a smokey, dingy bar. He caught my eye as he stood there standing with his back against the wall, sipping a beer and talking with his friends. Even though I had downed a couple of beers myself I still hadn't quite gotten together with my confident side yet that night. So, what was a girl to do? Simply send over a guy friend of hers to do the dirty work for her, that's what. After a little bit of small talk, or small yelling rather, numbers were exchanged and the night went on. Over the next few days we began talking and even hung out a few times. Granted, the hang outs mostly ended up in just some sweaty romps and a little bit of conversation. Unfortunately, after the first romp my feelings began doing their dirty work and weaving webs between us. Well, on my end it seemed anyway. The "hang outs" got less frequent as well as the conversations. I pretty much knew where this was headed and I wasn't really looking to my usual room in the Heartbreak Hotel.
    I can't even explain how my feelings ended up where they were with him in the short amount of time we spent together. I keep telling myself it was his eyes. Something about what I saw in those eyes did me in every time. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and in those brown eyes of his I found something hidden, something guarded, something beautiful. Every so often he would give me a glimpse into what he was hiding and it only made me want to discover it even more. As hard as i tried to get past those walls, eventually I was escorted off the grounds and left with no choice but to go back to my hotel. 
      He became like my Unicorn in a way. Our paths crossed again a couple of times, but he never stuck around long. To my surprise, and because of some Facebook stalking on my part, I found that he had gotten married. Married. WTF? Yeah, I was blindsided myself. At that point, I pretty much figured that I should probably not hang on to these feelings I had anymore. Figures that this is how it would end, right? If you could call it playing in my favor, things fell apart for them and what do you know, I sent him a friend request on Facebook. Hah. Yeah, I know. Don't judge me. Conversation began again and the chemistry started back up where it left off. Just as things were going along great, a road block hits and derails the entire thing.
      For the record, I will cut him some slack on this since he just recently separated from his wife and then basically got together with me. He was left to start over from scratch while his ex moved in with her new fiance and was doing just fine. It would be an emotionally taxing time for anyone in that position. What I won't give him slack for is his way for dealing with his problems. Rather than confronting them, working on them, or talking about them, he pushes away and closes himself off completely. I'm known for walking away pretty quickly when a romance just isn't going my way, but I actually gave this the old college try. All I knew was that something always made me come back to him. I wanted to be there for him, be his rock and stand by his side through whatever it was he was going through, but I got 86'd again. 
   I am a patient person. I really am. Well, when I want to be. There is only so much that I can be pushed away before I take then hint and walk away myself. Which is exactly what I did. It was the hardest thing for me to do, but I knew it was something I had to do. I was ready to give him my everything, but I wasn't going to do it for nothing in return. After some time apart, yet again, he came around. Now, if there are actually people reading this I am sure that they are having the same reaction as some of my friends. Another shot? Really? Yeah, really. Time will tell if it was a mistake or not, but it seems that this time he may have realized what he had after he lost it. 
    I don't understand why it has to work that way. The most amazing, wonderful person that you could ever know could be right in front of you, but because you have grown accustomed to it and are around it every day the shine diminishes and you over look it. All it needs is a little dusting off now and again and the radiance would come through and sparkle like always. What I have come to find is that people don't want to put in an effort anymore. After all that mining that you did to get the gem, what else would you need to do now that you have it? Well, you would need to clean it up, cut it, place it in a setting that fit just right, and polish it regularly. I said regularly, not occasionally or once. 
    In the instance I talked about with Cool Rider, communication hindered the polishing with both of us. He was so concerned with cleaning himself up and dusting himself off that he didn't see me holding a rag waiting to help him. There are many things we can do on our own, but sometimes you need a little help. I have learned this lesson from my mother most of all. It is important to show that you can handle things and take care of yourself, but asking for help doesn't make you incapable of all that. Your journey will be a lot shorter by stopping for help along the way rather than trying to make it completely on your own. So in whatever journey you may be on, don't be afraid to ask for help. You never know what you might discover about you or someone else.

The last of the unicorns

Wow. It's been a while. Sorry. I have been having some fun in the sun while I can before school starts again. Ugh. I don't want to think about that. Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that I really don't have the timeline of stuff right. This next one I think was actually before Texas...maybe. I don't know. I really can't be sure. Oh, and speaking of Texas... Rather than make an addendum to the post itself I am just going to add this little tidbit that I forgot. How I forgot it I don't know, but I did. So I had mentioned that he had a knack for trouble, right? Well, I had a friend show up to the party and his costume was a policeman. He ran. Not even kidding you on this. He started running because he thought that he was a real cop. I really know how to pick them.

So this next guy has a little bit of a girly name if the title didn't give it away. I decided to call him Unicorn. I don't know if you know the term Unicorn or not when it comes to a dating reference. It's that one guy or girl that is your "it" and the one that stands out above the rest. Some people get their unicorn and some people don't. The majestic creature, magnificent in all its beauty and a force not to be reckoned with. Nothing can match a unicorn. I met my Unicorn when I was working my retail job and he was on the Loss Prevention team. Oh lordy, was he hot. He had dark hair, stocky build, big arms, and tattoos.  The reason I know that my timeline is fucked up is because when I first met him I was with Captain Douchebag. It was the final stages of that relationship or at least on the way to that when I got to know Unicorn. We flirted here and there and he was in a relationship at the time too. I didn't know until later that he actually had a crush on me too. Hence the flirting...I'm a little slow on the uptake so I would never have guessed...

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how we went out the first time and I can't figure it out. I know it was towards the end of my retail days. I think. Oh wow. In the midst of writing this I remembered. I started going to ISU and we had a speech class together. We started talking and sitting by each other and eventually exchanged numbers. After what seemed like forever he asked me out on a date. I was ecstatic. I had been waiting for this for so long and I couldn't believe it was happening. Sadly, it was going to be a double date. I really didn't want to share my date with another couple, especially another couple that I didn't know. Whatever I guess. As long as I got my date with my Unicorn. 

We decided to go to play laser tag first. Things were going alright and we were having fun when he mentioned that he wasn't feeling all that great. He brushed it off and just thought it was from being out in the sun all day working on his truck. After the game of laser tag, that I was utterly defeated in, we made up our minds to go get some dinner. As we were walking out of the laser tag place, Unicorn started getting really sweaty. No, not just because he was so hot but I could see how it could happen. He stopped out front before getting in the truck for a few so he could get some fresh air. Right before we decided to get in the truck he turns around and pukes. Oh god it was disgusting. I also felt really bad at the same time because he was really embarrassed about it. After letting him recompose himself he said that he felt much better and we should be good to go. So, we went. 

We got to the restaurant and sat down at the table and got some water while we looked at the menu. After no longer than five minutes he gets up and takes off outside. I got stuck sitting at the table with his friend's girlfriend and had to make awkward conversation while we waited to find what was going on. Next thing we knew her boyfriend comes in and says that we gotta go and take Unicorn to the ER. Can you take me home first? Ok, I didn't say that but I wanted to. I didn't want to go sit at the ER with two random people I don't know while Unicorn goes and gets poked and proded. Man, that makes me sound heartless. I really did feel bad. He was in a lot of pain and just didn't feel well. So off to the ER we went. It didn't take long to get him sent back to get checked out but we had to wait in the waiting room. I got to sit there awkwardly, wishing I was home for almost three hours before his friend got the idea to take me home. What a date. 

I found out the next day that he ended up having to get his gal-bladder taken out. That's a memorable first date right there. "Sorry for puking multiple times, but I had a great night." Fml. I thought that he would get a hold of me when he was feeling better and we could try it again. I didn't hear from him for a year. After that kind of date he then doesn't talk to me for a year! I wanted to punch him in the face, but because he was my Unicorn I decided that when I did finally hear from him again I would forgive him since he was really embarrassed. We decided to try it again and this time it was definitely a better date than the first. We actually made it to three dates. Then it went south. Of course. We were having dinner and I was trying to tell people that I was on a date and he got upset at me for being on my phone. I was texting in case that wasn't obvious. Yes, I know I was being rude in the first place but I was trying not to be rude to the people I was talking to as well. Blah. Whatever. I can't please everyone. Plus, i was totally telling my friend that bats for the same team I do that I got my dream date with Unicorn. I think he was his Unicorn too. That was pretty much the end of that go around.

Things don't end there though. About one year on the dot later...we start talking again because we have yet another class together. Seriously, it was always about a year to the day that we would somehow start talking again and decided to go on a date. We decide to give it one last go around because apparently we just don't like how it ended the two other times between us. That, or I was his Unicorn too :) Anyway, this time we got to about five dates and things just weren't working. I was in a different place than he was and wanted different things than he did and we couldn't agree on what to do with each other. In the end we just kind of let each other go. I still to this day am pretty sad about it just because of how much I liked him. I'm not saying I would change what I have now....but it's my Unicorn. That fabled creature that I had a brief moment with. I didn't even get to have sex with him. Maybe that's why I'm pissed. I think he would be an animal in the sack. I'm sure he could use his horn very well..

One of my exes lives in Texas

Yes, I know. It has been a while. Again. In all honesty, I have been dreading this post. This guy I tend to not talk about very often because it was just ridiculous all around. Not only that, but I got a lot of shit for this guy too. I did deserve it though. I am not sure what in the hell I was thinking. I have come to find that I should just stay away from the internet when it comes to dating. I am not looking now, but if I was to have to start over again I think I may have to find some other way to meet men. It was on the same random site that I talked about a couple posts ago or something. Remember Myspace? We talked a lot on there too. Anyway, this is the story of Texas. Or if you prefer the words of my previous coworkers, the Myspace Mangler.

If it wasn't obvious by his name he is from Texas. I think by this time I was just getting lonely and tired of the shit I was being handed. I just wanted to find someone that would make me happy and I pretty much reached out where ever I could. I don't know what it was that attracted me to Texas. I guess he was some what attractive, but he wasn't completely like the pictures that I saw of him when I actually did meet him. Maybe it was the accent. I have a thing for accents and his voice did sound fantastic. We talked for a couple of months and then finally he said that he wanted to come out here to see me. I'm not even sure if my sister knows about this guy. I am not sure if she still reads my blog or not, but I didn't really tell her much about this guy I don't think. I didn't really want to hear about my poor decision making with this one from her.

I don't know why the fact that I am about to mention makes it even more ridiculous to me, but it does. He came all the way from Texas to Idaho on a bus. It took sooo much longer for him to get here than if he would have flown, but he said he had a fear of flying or something. I had plenty of chances to make him turn around because he asked multiple times if I was sure I wanted him to come out. When he got to Salt Lake that is when I really should have just told him never mind. He had a few hours to wait when he got to Salt Lake for his last bus to get there. So, he decided to wander around Salt Lake. He decided to walk around a park or something that was near by and happened to come across some people that were doing a "deal" of sorts. I can't remember the details of all of this exactly but the guy said something to Texas. Then, Texas mouthed off to him and basically got into a fight with him right there in the park. The guy was a pimp or something, if I remember right. There was a girl there with him and that is the detail that I remember the most because I think he had offered the girl to Texas. I dunno. Does it really matter? It was ridiculous either way. He got into a fist fight while waiting for a bus in Salt Lake City. Seriously.

Well someone close by I guess heard the commotion and the cops were either near by as well or on their way. Texas took off running and headed back toward the bus station and lost whoever it was that was chasing after him. He called me right after all of it happened and he barely made it back in time to get on the bus. I was pissed. I told him to stay at the bus station. Trouble found Texas easily and I just knew that something would happen if he left the station. Well, with a black eye he got on the bus and headed here. I felt like I wanted to puke as I pulled into the Walgreen's parking lot where the bus drop off was. Probably not a good sign, huh? So I pick him up and we head back to my house. Oh, I forgot to mention that. He was staying with me. At my house. I'm an idiot, I know. The more I think about it the more I wish I could slap myself at that time and knock some sense into me or something.

At the time that this was going on it was Halloween. Yeah, another Halloween disaster. Things were actually going pretty ok at first. We were getting along and he was nice. It was awkward too. I felt like a host or something because it felt like I had to keep him entertained or something all the time. I couldn't relax because I was self conscious. Then, I couldn't relax because things just started going downhill. We were invited to a friend's Halloween party and I figured that it would be good to just go and hang out with some of my friends and see how they interact. Oh lordy. Apparently, this guy is like a bottomless pit. We had brought over a 24 pack and he had drank half of it and was barely buzzed. Granted, he was kind of a big guy but it didn't seem to really phase him. Then as he started getting buzzed and a little more tipsy the crazy Texan started coming out in him. He was getting rowdy and obnoxious. Every time I asked him to calm down and not drink anymore he would end up getting another beer from somewhere. I put our pack in the car so he wasn't getting them from me. I think that the people at the party were getting a kick out of him so they just kept handing him beers to see what he would do next. I know there was more ridiculous things that happened, but I can't remember. I guess that having a shitty memory is probably not very good for when you are writing a blog about past experiences, eh?

After the Halloween party fiasco the rest of that week was the longest of my life. He didn't exactly have a departure date set. We were just going to see how things went and go from there. He was also waiting on some money that was being wired to him because he didn't want to travel with a lot of cash. So I took it upon myself to go to the bus station and buy a ticket for him to go back home. I told him that he needed to go and that I shouldn't have let him come. The day that he was leaving we pretty much fought the whole day. He was mad because he came all the way here and then I kicked him out so quickly. He gave me a huge guilt trip. I guess I can't blame him. I probably would be pissed if it was the other way around. We talked all the time on the phone and we got along, but it was just too much when it came to the home front. Like I said, I was lonely and I just wanted to find something. I thought he was what I wanted and that I could change the things about him that I didn't like. Yeah, I said it. I wanted to change him. Well maybe not change him, but be that girl that he wanted to change for or something. He was in trouble a bit when he was a kid and just always used to getting treated like he would never amount to anything. He really had a good heart, but he just had a knack for finding trouble. 

My poor mother had to put up with all of this too. She also was around when I was working and he was at the house. He did take my dog for quite a few walks though. He spent a lot of the day wandering around town and checking things out. Anyway, my mom knew that I would change my mind but she wanted me to figure it out myself I guess. At any rate, this was a complete disaster. It took me a while to live it down at my old job too. I got so much shit about Texas it wasn't even funny. Luckily, I take shit pretty easily and handled it like a lady. I'm classy like that. I try to push Texas to the back of my mind and not think about him. It's something that I would rather forget.

 Not that I need something else to tell you to show what kind of bullet I dodged with him, but I got a reminder a little later on. He got a hold of me a while down the road and he was still living in Texas. He was currently on the run because he had a warrant out for his arrest because of a bar fight that he got into. I asked him why he was running and he said because he didn't want to go to jail. I replied, "I guess you shouldn't get into fights then." That turned the conversation real quick. He asked, "So you think I should go to jail?" Uh, yeah. If you did the crime then you do the time. If you don't want to then keep your ass out of trouble. I offended him I guess and he said that he wouldn't bother me anymore and to take care. Dodged a bullet I tell ya. I should consider myself lucky because I know how much those Texans like their guns.

Oh, honey. Aw, sugar sugar

Technically, I am not sure I can even count this guy as an ex. I have never met the guy in person, but the "relationship" we had at times did seem like we were. Yeah, another internet thing. I started talking to Sugar Daddy about six years ago. Maybe seven. I was a member on this random website that was kind of like Myspace or Facebook, but they did a lot of photo rating to get points to buy "stuff" for other people. It was a waste of time, basically. So he happened to message me one day and we started talking. We would talk pretty regularly on the computer and eventually texted each other and called. Our personalities worked well together. We both are a little nerdy. He is the one that got me into the fantastic Doctor Who. I'm sure most of you don't know what that is and that's ok. Most people I talk to about it have no clue what I am even saying. 

 Anyway, if he really did look like the pictures that he sent me then he looked pretty damn good. I will never know for sure, but he probably doesn't. I could have been talking to some overweight guy that was just really lonely. As I said, we started talking a while ago. He was kind of in between a lot of relationships. There would be a small amount of time where we wouldn't talk to one another and then would start up again. He really proved to be a person I could talk to pretty easily about a lot of different things. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was never face to face with him and just sending him texts and having phone conversations. I almost am embarrassed at how close I felt to him because all he was was a phone call. He helped me through a lot of different things. 

Now, why call him Sugar Daddy you ask? That is pretty much what he was. The best part of it all was that I didn't have to have sex with him or do anything in order for him to want to give me something. Pretty sweet, huh? I promise I'm not a gold digger or anything.... I still to this day don't know how he got his money. The only story that I have I can't really trust is true, but at the same time it's a story that I would feel bad not believing. When he was 16 his parents got into a car accident. They were hit by a drunk driver and both of them died. He doesn't have any siblings and no family living around him. So, his parents had a pretty decent life insurance policy that he has been living off of ever since. To my knowledge he doesn't work and he doesn't have to. Makes me sound pretty mean to not believe that, huh? 

I'm not sure why it started, but he started wanting to get me things for my birthday or for Christmas. Then it turned into him getting me things just to get me things. This last year for my birthday he got me a fantastic present. I have a HUGE love for all things Tim Burton and he sent me a copy of a limited release book full of his drawings and inspirations for movies. It's fantastic. He's sent me: all but the first season of True Blood, the entire series of Angel, the entire series of Torchwood, all of Dr who, the first season of glee, one of my Sookie books, he sent me $400 to put towards my corpse bride tattoo, multiple Victoria Secret gift cards (my underwear collection exploded), an Ohio jersey, shirt and sweatshirt, a My Zombie Pony sweatshirt and t shirt, and I think that might be it. At least I can't think of anything else right now. Seriously though. I've NEVER met the guy. 

I tried to get him to come visit multiple times. Every time that it would get close to him coming to visit something would happen. It never failed. He hurt himself or something. I don't even know. I finally just gave up on the fact that I would never meet him. Which is fine. I'm not sure I really want to ruin that. I think he is better left as a mystery. Even lately (as in like 6 months ago or so) he had said that he was ready to come and see me. It ended up in a fight because I had started talking to Cool Rider again. I will get to him in a while. He is the most current one :)  He got upset that I basically wasn't waiting for him. I'm not getting any younger here and I was tired of just having texts and phone calls with him. I think he finally gets that we aren't going to meet now because he sees that I am pretty content where I am at. We still talk a little here and there because he still is great to talk to. I care about him even though nothing really ever came of us talking. I would feel sad if we ever stopped talking completely, but I am pretty sure that there will be a day when we do. I'll miss him. Oh, and the gift cards.

Head on out to the Rodeo

Well, its been a bit. Sorry about that. I got caught up in some things. I don't really think many are sitting around waiting for my next post anyway, but I like to feel like someone is. Maybe. So you will be happy to know that the next guy on the list I didn't actually meet on the internet. *GASP* Crazy, I know. This guy I met from a friend of mine that I went to school with. I kind of feel bad writing about him since she will most likely read this, but I'm not going to bash him or anything. She had mentioned him previous to when we actually met and nothing really ever came of it. It was just a, "Hey this guy saw your picture and thought you were cute" kind of thing. 

The night that we met he was actually dating someone else at the time. I had gone over to a bar that my friend was at to say hi to her for her birthday. When I got there I felt a little weird just because she was pretty much the only person that I knew there. Those that know me know that I am a pretty shy person. I guess looking back on it we didn't actually meet that night. I can't even remember if we were introduced or if she just told me who he was, but that's besides the point. The next day I got a text from her asking if she could give my number to this guy or if I would want his number to text him.  I wasn't aware until later that he was dating someone at the time, but he had pretty much broken up with her that night after the bar. Once the texting between the two of us started, so began my relationship with Wyatt Earp. 


I was a little reluctant with this one. Mostly, it was because we were on very opposite sides of the spectrum. Living in Idaho you would think that I would be into hunting, fishing, and all that outdoor stuff. Not so much. I'm a fan of the city, flush-able toilets, and heating. I can at least knock it because I have at least tried it before. I get really bored fishing, I really didn't like the time I went hunting, and I only like camping if there is some plumbing near by. He, on the other hand, loved all this stuff. He loved to hunt, fish, camp, and he was even a rodeo clown. Yep. I said it. Rodeo clown. I'm not saying anything is wrong with it, but those that know me know that is not really something I am a fan of. I really don't like rodeos. I feel way too bad for the animals that get chased, roped and ridden all over the place to be able to enjoy myself. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be chased, tackled and then hog tied. I'm sure as hell those animals are scared to death. 


Anyway, so there is an idea about where this all is headed. Like I said before, I am not gonna bash on the guy at all. He really is a nice guy, but just wasn't for me. Things went ok at first, like they always seem to, but gradually things started to fall apart. So I know that when you are in a relationship you have to compromise. I agreed to go watch some bull riding at a ranch that him and his friends go to merely because I wanted to spend time with him. I stepped out of my comfort zone and went along because it was just the thing to do. I also got to spend time with my friend as well so that was on the plus side. I tried my best to put on a happy face watching those cowboys ride bulls and run around in the dirt and manure. I did such a good job of it that he wanted to do it every Sunday. Every. Sunday. Argh. So this brought up a little disagreement because I didn't want to do that every Sunday, but then he came back at me and said that I should be more open minded to the things that he liked to do so that we could build common interests. No matter what, I'm not going to have an interest in a rodeo. Sorry. I made yet another compromise and said that we could find something else to do but I wasn't going to go watch bull riding every Sunday. 


Wyatt eventually found something else for us to try and do together. Of course it was something that I really wasn't fond of, but I went anyway. We went fishing. Yeah, I know a lot of you out there like fishing and think it's fun and relaxing, but I don't. I find it boring and most of the time I was fishing when it was cold outside since a lot of the spring in Idaho is usually chilly. I hate being cold. I don't want to go sit for hours on a bank or in a boat casting a line in the water and wait for a fish to bite my hook, but once again I gave a little. We went on an all day fishing trip with his dad. Not only was it awkward because I had never really been around his dad, but I got to sit there all day in a chair on the bank watching them fish. They only had two poles and he wanted me to just come along for the trip. Fun. Thank god they brought a blanket for me. 

I'm trying not to get discouraged with this one and give Wyatt a chance, but there always seemed to be something that popped up that showed just how different we really were. I know they say that opposites attract, but in this case it wasn't working. It really kind of showed to me how different we were when it came to the bedroom. I'll try not to get too personal or anything here so I don't make any of you blush. He was boring. Like vanilla boring. Granted, I'm not some dominatrix or anything with whips and chains but I like to have a little spice. One weekend I came and stayed the night at his place. He lived about an hour away from me. Since I was going to be in the area I wanted to stop at a store that they had in the town next to his. We didn't really have a store quite like it where I lived so when I was in the area I liked to stop by.

 I figured that this would be a good time to test the waters with him and see if he was as open as he wanted me to be. The store we went to was the Silver Foxx. It has a lot of novelty stuff, but it also has a lot of "other" stuff. I really hope you get me because I am not really sure how else to explain it other than being blunt. It's a sex store basically. There, I said it. It has stuff that's tame like oils, lube, games, lingerie, stripper shoes, and stuff for a bachelorette or bachelor party. They also have a back room. The back room is for videos, toys, and things of that nature. So, I brought him along with me and we went to check it out. We spent a little bit in the front room, but I told him that I wanted to go check out the stuff in the back. He said that he was going to wait there. Really? It was like pulling teeth to get him to go back there with me. I'm sure that makes me sound mean to make him go back there, but there really weren't horrible things back there or anything. We had also had a conversation about stuff like that and he said that he was open to trying things he never had done before. As soon as he walked back there it was like a wall slammed shut. Conversation pretty much ceased and he almost pulled off that deer in the headlights look. He barely lasted the three minutes we were back there. 


I'm sure I shouldn't have been annoyed by this but I was. On one hand he said he liked doing things his way (one way, every time), but was open to things to try. I also felt like a hooch or something because just about everything I had talked about he had never done, and I didn't even talk about all that much. I was also annoyed because it made my efforts to try to be interested or try things he liked to do just seem pointless. That weekend it all just kind of boiled to the surface with me and I just couldn't look past it anymore. The straw that broke the camel's back was when we had a conversation about my tattoos. He asked if I was going to get anymore and I told him that I probably was. He then asked, "If I asked you not to would you not get one?" I looked at the western novels that were sitting on the head board of his bed next to his cowboy hat and decided I just couldn't do it. I couldn't deal with the ropin', rootin', tootin' rodeo clown that he was. Wyatt and I just weren't going to make it. 


He really was/is a nice guy and a gentleman. I just unfortunately couldn't get along with his cowboy side. The hardest part was explaining to him why I couldn't see him anymore. The best I had was, "It just isn't working". I tried to explain to him that even though we could try to compromise and try to get into the other person's interest but the fact of the matter is, is that I don't want to deal with that the rest of my life. Deal is probably a strong word, but I guess I was just trying to say I can't do cowboy. For hell's sake I still am trying to figure out the big deal about Wranglers. Maybe I just haven't seen a good enough butt in one, but to be honest they just aren't as drool worthy as some girls make them seem. If anything they seem less flattering to me. I think my picture above proves my point. Man, I really am living in the wrong state.


 

Now I want a cupcake

The next few years bring some juggling and jumping around of men. I'm not going to lie, I probably won't get the timing on the next ones exact. The timing isn't important. At least not super important. Anyway, this next fella is kind of a complicated story. Cupcake was someone that started out just being someone to talk to. You guessed it, on the internet. I stress to you the fact that I am a very shy, introverted human being and I had a hard time conversing with the opposite sex. In the beginning, Mr. Compton had just come home from serving in Iraq. I believe I was about 17 when we started talking. He was living in North Carolina at the time and so obviously there was no way that we could have an actual relationship. That and the fact that I was currently in one when we started talking with Captain Douchebag. I know, I know. How awful am I? Once again in my defense, I was 17. I was an idiot. 

Why Cupcake you ask? I have no idea. I called him that once and no matter how hard I try I can't remember. I know it was funny though. I think. Also, I couldn't really find any other name to call him without using his real name, so Cupcake it is. Anyway, over the next couple of years we kept in touch and became rather close. I talked to him quite frequently and oddly enough developed some kind of feelings for him even though I had never actually met the guy. We had quite a bit in common. He shared my love for TMNT, zombies and even had a Jack Skelington Tattoo. I really was starting to think that maybe my Jack wasn't in Idaho and quite possibly in North Carolina instead. Our personalities played off each other very well and we could talk about anything. Looking back on it though I realize how much different I really was then than how I am now. I almost seemed needy at that point in time. Possibly because I was lost and felt alone now that my once stable and "perfect" relationship was falling to pieces. I think I just liked the fact that I could talk to and relate to Cupcake so well. As my previous relationship crumpled, the topic of meeting one another came to a head. 

I am not always a patient person. I try to be, but sometimes I just can't help myself. This is one of those cases that I was losing my patient quite quickly. If you listened to the conversations we had with one another we sounded as though we had been in a relationship for quite some time. I was getting tired of having a half ass relationship over the phone and not having someone I could actually see and touch. We eventually came to the conclusion that it would happen soon at some point. While we were planning this whole meet and greet thing, he started acting differently towards me.

 I tried to just brush it off and think it was just all in my head, but he was definitely not his normal self. Usually when I talked to Cupcake it was at least once a day, sometimes twice, and it was usually for a fairly decent amount of time. I had gotten off the phone with him from one of our conversations and had a strange feeling come over me.  I tried to brush it off, but instead I decided I was going to call him back just to make sure everything was ok. I called and it rang and rang until voicemail picked up. I waited a couple minutes and tried again. Still got the voicemail. I tried texting him asking what was going on. No response. Dandy. I tried contacting him over the next week and a half and never got a response. No text back, no calls back, nothing. I would like to know what it is about me that makes men just stop talking to me. Seriously, it's the second time now. Wtf?

After no response at all I am forced to move on. I couldn't help but feel hurt and betrayed by him because of the way we were with one another. I never would have guessed that he would have done that to me. He never indicated that he no longer wanted to talk to me or was no longer interested. I was at a loss. Of course, about a year down the road I eventually hear from Cupcake. Out of the blue I get him on my Yahoo messenger sending me an IM. Naturally, I freak the fuck out on him. He goes into the I'm sorry and I never meant to hurt you, but then he says what really happened. He said that the whole reason that he stopped talking to me was because he had gotten into drugs (cocaine) and was afraid that I would judge him for having a problem. Wow, that was kind of a blow to my character and my mind. In his absence he had gotten help and was clean. He hated the fact that he had lied to me about things when we talked because he had to cover up stuff that he was doing. 

We start talking again. Small conversations here and there. I am still weary about the guy and kind of not sure if I am interested in investing in him again. He was currently living in Arizona so he was at least a little closer than before. Over the next year or so we talk on and off. It never really lasted too long because honestly I usually lost interest. One of the times that we were "on" it was around Halloween one year. I being the lonely, single girl that I was sad that on yet another Halloween I still didn't have a date. I usually didn't have dates on holidays after the Captain. Not sure why, but it just never worked out that way. Well me and my big mouth said, "Well it's short notice (the day before Halloween) but it's too bad that you can't come with me to the party I am going to."  So what does he do? He says, "Why not? It's only a 14 hour drive." Uhh. Shit. So he gets his happy ass in his truck and drives 14 hours to come and hang out with me on Halloween. 

The more I talk about this story the more I feel like a bitch, but I really never intended things to go the way that they did. Cupcake gets in town and we put together a half ass vampire costume to go with my bff's and my costume from True Blood. The costume actually wasn't all that bad. We all start out at a friend's house for a little pre-gaming before heading to the bar. This really wasn't a good plan. It was kind of awkward seeing as it was the first time we had seen each other in person and he gets to meet me around a bunch of people he didn't know. For the most part things went ok. He was well, alright. I think I was so worried about what people thought about him that I ended up judging him unfairly. Anyway, as the night progressed the tension just kind of built up between us. I felt like he wasn't having fun, I was worried my friends didn't like him, and he was talking about stuff that he didn't need to talk about. He basically professed his love of me to my friends and divulged our entire back story to people he didn't know. I guess that is what I am kind of doing now, but this is completely different.

At the end of the evening I just wanted him to go home. I was feeling way too conflicted and I had actually wished I had just kept my mouth shut about him coming here. Like I said, I feel like a bitch in this post but he is almost like a little puppy dog. He just started getting into things that I wasn't ready to talk about yet. He wanted us to basically be boyfriend/girlfriend, he wanted to think about possibly moving around me so that it could work, and and just other things that at that point shouldn't have been talked about. It just made me feel like I was in a vise and being squeezed to my breaking point. It was a lot thrown at me all at once. When he left he naturally made status updates on his Facebook on the way home about how horrible the trip went and blah blah blah. 

I still talk to him occasionally and even went to visit him in Arizona. Mind you, it wasn't all to see him. I was mostly going so that I could check out a college that I was potentially going to enroll in. He just happened to live near by, I didn't want to go check things out by myself....It worked quite well for me. On that trip we were actually getting along really well. He wasn't talking about anything too serious. He had a habit of jumping right to the punchline with things, like I said earlier. On the last night of my trip him and two of his friends (husband and wife) took me out to a strip club. I had said that I had never been to one and they decided that they would take me and show me what it was all about. Everyone was having a good time and getting a little drunk. That was until he asked me what things were between us. Talk about a buzz kill. I had specifically had a conversation before I came to AZ that he just needed to chill out and let things play out how they are going to. I told him that if he put all the pressure on me and expectations right away I was just going to push away. So what does he do? ARGH.  


I had to sit at the bar feeling horribly uncomfortable until our cab came to get us. It was so awful. I didn't even want to talk to him and he knew it. When we got back to the hotel I just wanted to go to bed so that I could get up and go to the airport. Cupcake ended up staying over, his friends did as well since they were all drunk, and he decided that he wanted to hash things out right then. I was drunk and didn't really feel like doing this, but I apparently didn't get a say so I went along with it. After a bunch of drunk talking and crying he finally let me go to sleep. The ride to the airport the next morning was awful. This was the last visit in person that we had with one another. 


I still talk to him on occasion. Mostly just a text here or there or a response to something on Facebook. God, his Facebook. He is really kind of emo. He posts so many depressing things sometimes and there are always ones directed at me. He also has told me that he can't move on because he will never find someone to love like he loved me. So now I feel horribly guilty about him and the fact that he still pines for me. Wow, that makes me sound cocky. It's true though. Not even sure why. I really do wish he could find some girl that would make him happy and not treat him like crap, but he won't move on and stop comparing everyone to me. Instead, he goes and gets drunk all the time and picks up girls at the bar. Whatever I guess. I still wish that I could remember the story behind why I called him Cupcake. I tried texting him about it, but he ignored me and didn't respond. Man, that's his biggest pet peeve too. Jerk.

 

Mother knows best

Now that my relationship with the Captain is over, I am faced with the horrible task of moving on. The impact that he made on me was substantial and I constantly lost ground on the mountain I was trying to climb. In my one of many attempts to find someone to soothe my ailing heart, I turned to my favorite dating center. The internet. The more that I post that is how I met the majority of the people I have dated, the more ridiculous I feel. This next guy was probably the shortest run of a relationship I have ever had. At least that I can recall. The first red flag that I should have paid attention to was the fact that he was from Nampa. If any of you have been in that area you know what I am talking about. 

So, I started talking to Adolf on the computer. He was more of my type than the last few have been. He had tattoos on his arms (These were the only ones I was aware of at this time) and he was skinny but he wasn't a bean pole. We had been exchanging conversation via messenger and text for a little over a week or so. Finally, we decided that we should meet in person. He offered to drive here and hang out with me over a weekend because my mom refused to let me see him unless she got to meet him. The night before he drove to town I showed my mom a picture of Adolf. Her comment to me was, "He looks like a skinhead." What? Just because he has a bald head means he is a skinhead? She kept insisting that is just what she got from his picture but she wasn't sure why. Skinhead. Psh. 

The weekend we had was fun. We just did a lot of low key things like walking my dog, went shopping, went to eat and stuff like that. As he was leaving back to Nampa we decided that I would go and stay with him the following weekend. After talking to my mom about it and finally getting her to let me go, I ventured off to Nampa to spend time with him that next weekend. He lived in an apartment complex with a female roommate. She was around a little bit when we were there, but mostly it was just the two of us. Keep in mind that I am still getting to know about Adolf and him about me, obviously. Well, we got to the point of getting a little friendly and he had slipped out of his jeans when something had caught my eye. I saw a small portion of a tattoo on his thigh, but I didn't really pay much attention to it. I figured that I would just check it out later. He had taken off his shirt and turned to throw it on the floor when I saw a lettered tattoo on his lower back. The size was pretty big and it went all the way across the back. The letters were at least two inches tall. They read: WHITE POWER. 

.....

.....

Uh. Hmm. Yeah. At that moment I put everything to a halt and asked him about the tattoo. He said, "Oh, that is from a few years ago. I'm not into that stuff really anymore. I just haven't been able to get it covered up yet." He then proceeds to show me the swastika that is on his thigh that was peeking out of his boxers. 

.....

I'm still kind of speechless, but I manage to ask, "Isn't that something that you should have mentioned to me? You know, about what you used to be into?" He said, "I would have at some point when it needed to be talked about. Since you have seen them now we can say we talked about them." This eventually led to a discussion on the importance of why I should have been informed before this point and what "not into that stuff really anymore" means. He said that he only has a problem with someone of another race if they have a problem with him. Other than that he really isn't wanting to be like how he used to be. He did tell me a few stories about when he was into "this stuff", but I won't mention those here. This little bit of breaking news kind of put a damper on the rest of the weekend. He wasn't really all that thrilled when I was starting to be unsure of him. I ended up going home a day early and while on the way home I had sent him a text and told him that I couldn't handle the whole situation. Yeah, I am an asshole and did it via text. Even if he wasn't into all this anymore he branded me with that world the second he took off his shirt and we were at a swimming pool or something. That isn't me. He understood and said that he was sorry he didn't tell me and that was how I found out. He hoped we could still be friends.

I thought that things were all said and done with him, but he tried getting a hold of me again. He wanted to try to work things out and get back together. I had already pretty much decided that I didn't want to date him at all after he accepted my dump text. Being the nice person that I am, it was hard for me to explain that I was no longer interested. I tried and he insisted that I still had feelings for him. I told him that wasn't the case and I wasn't interested in dating anymore. I also said that my mom didn't really approve of me dating him. This opened a whole new can of worms. He then went off on me saying that I was using my mom as a scapegoat and that I should be old enough to think for myself just like I should be old enough to move out. Yeah, I know I am old enough and I do make my own decisions, but I do value what my mom thinks about who I am dating. I also have my own reasons for not moving out. This whole argument went on for like a week and then I finally told him that he needed to just drop it. He finally said that he would and added, "I guess that's what I get for dating a 20 year old." Don't get me started on you, Adolf. 

In total I think this went over a period of about three weeks or so. I don't think that i have ever been that shocked in my life. I literally didn't know what to do in this situation. I can just see the article to Ann Landers or Dear Abby now: "I found out that my boyfriend is an ex skinhead and he never mentioned this to me before. I only knew because of tattoos that I saw before we had sex. How should I handle this?"

.....

Seriously.

A Captain always goes down with his ship

So did you save any snacks for round two? What's funny is that the Captain looks kind of like one of the douchebags in the photo above. Anyway, I will also throw out another disclaimer. There will be mention of sex in this post. It's not going to be a story out of Penthouse or anything, but there will be reference to it. If you are still ready to move forward..Here we go

Captain Douchebag followed me throughout the last few years. He was like a zit. He popped up here and there and got under my skin until he just disappeared. He never stuck around long. Usually what would happen is that I would get a text out of the blue from him. He would do the usual "Hi how ya doing" thing, but then it always led to him asking for something. The something was either a picture or to "hang out". The pictures he would ask for were like the ones I mentioned in the previous post. Sometimes his text would be a single word "boobs", and when he asked to hang out it was usually just because he wanted a dirty romp. He was pretty classy. 

Of course I was still trying to get over him. So, I would give in hoping that maybe it would rekindle something. He had pretty good timing when he would get a hold of me too. I would be just at that point that I would stop thinking about him and then I would hear from him. Bastard. This is why it took years to get over the Captain. He always had a way of keeping that last little spark burning. He never said it was because he still had feelings though. He always said it was because he liked the times we had, sexual times that is, and other girls wouldn't send him dirty pictures. Don't judge me. 

Whenever he could tell I was getting attached again is when he would pull away. This is when he blocked me on Facebook. I was a creeper and saw that he was talking to this girl like he would if he was dating her. So naturally, I brought it up and called myself out. Now I am on the permanent block list. It makes me laugh. The most recent encounter I had with the Captain was around November of this last year. He started talking to me again and I happened to be sort of dating someone at the time. I think it killed him that I actually told him no for once. He even said, "I will be discreet. No one would know." I told you he was classy. By some miracle I happened to be unblocked from his Facebook for a short amount of time. He will later contest this, but I saw what I saw. He had started talking to a girl in Meridian. By the time Thanksgiving rolled around it had progressed to him and her being "in a relationship". This however didn't stop him from asking me to send him pictures while he was in North Dakota for work. I even said, "I don't think your girlfriend would appreciate that." His response? "I don't have a girlfriend. We are just hanging out and seeing where it goes.". Hmm. Really?

I didn't hear from him again until about Christmas/New Years. He was still pulling the same stuff and asking for pictures of me, and he even went as far as to tell me when he would be back home to see if he could have a little dirty time with me. I once again became the creepy stalker. I was still unblocked on his Facebook, and saw that not only was he still in a relationship with this girl but he got her a sapphire ring for Christmas. I'm talking a ring from a jewelry store not a cheap piece or anything. By this point I am just confused. He still won't admit to me that he has a girlfriend. He just tells me that it is complicated because he spends so much time out of town and she doesn't even live in town herself. The remaining respect that I had for him is now dwindling at a very rapid rate. I spent New Years Eve with the person that I happen to be dating now, and while I was hanging out with him I get a phone call. You guessed it, Captain Douchebag. It's odd because he usually only texts me he doesn't ever call. I let it go to voice mail and I just checked it when I was leaving with my date. Both him and I had a good laugh about it. I will give you a summary of it, but just to kind of set it up he was talking once again about how he wanted to see my boobs. I told him that he should have his girlfriend help him out with that and then my phone rang. This is the voice mail,
"There's no other boobies that I want right now. I want your boobies. If I was in town right now I would be at your house and no where else. So show me your boobies. I want to see your boobies. Not any other boobies. I'm gonna go and hopefully I will see some boobies. Your boobies."

He just gets classier, doesn't he? He was drunk when he called, but I find it funny that he still can't admit that there is something there that always pulls him back to me. I saved the voice mail just in case I ever decided that I wanted to tell his girlfriend about what kind of guy she was dating, or if she ever messaged me if she found out he was talking to me or something. I probably should have told her at this point, but something inside of me just kind of snapped. I really didn't care. He became so disgusting to me that I just didn't care if he treated his new girlfriend like this. The next time I heard from him it was on his way home from North Dakota and I responded to a text he sent. He said that he had sent that a month prior to when I got it and that it was delayed because he had shitty service where he was at. Uh. Right. I don't think a text would send after a month but whatever. I asked him about his girlfriend and he still didn't really admit to having one, but when I told him I saw it on Facebook he basically called me a liar. He said that I was on his block list and I couldn't have seen anything so I shouldn't lie to him because it was kind of pissing him off. I saw what I saw and I know how I saw it so don't call me a liar unless I really am lying. 

I thought after that I wouldn't hear from him again, but of course I was wrong. He had to send me a picture of his new truck that he got and asked, "Want to help me break it in?". I responded, "You should have your girlfriend help you with that." He responded with, "Touche". FINALLY. He admitted that he had a girlfriend. This is after they had been dating at least 4 months. We got into a conversation and he also kind of admitted that in a way he still had feelings for me. I told him that I was tired of the games that I have had with guys I have dated and it wasn't what I was looking for. "What are you looking for? And hopefully I wasn't one of those bad times you experienced." I told him that I wanted someone that I could see being married to and starting a family with. Oh, and yeah, he was one of those times. Multiple times actually. He said, "I really wish you would have wanted that a few years ago, but oh well. You really broke something inside me that took a long time to fix." If I would have stayed with him and gotten married we both would have been miserable and probably divorced by now. There were things I needed to do and experience that he already had and they were things I couldn't really do while being with him. As I have always told him if it would have happened with us a few years later than it did then maybe it would have worked out, but that just didn't happen.

I think he is finally pretty serious with this girl now. I can't see his page but I can see hers. Yeah, I stalked her too. Don't judge me. If he is happy with her that is great, but hopefully he won't be a dirtbag anymore. I never thought that he would have done this and acted this way, but then again I knew him a long time ago. Captain Douchebag today is completely different than the Captain Douchebag that I once knew. All I can say is that he did help me realize things that I want and what I don't want. So in way, I can't be completely upset with him. I can, however, still think he is a Douchebag. 

This isn't the Love Boat

The butterflies. Those damn butterflies. Nothing seems to be quite as exciting as your first love. Your heart always seems to have a hole from that piece that you gave them. It's something you will never get back. Even if you find that true love later on, you always remember your first love and it still has some kind of meaning to you. I found mine at 16. Now, before I start the story I will warn you this may be a little lengthy. You might want to go get some snacks and a drink. Oh and maybe take a potty break. 

Ok, you ready??

My longest relationship was with Captain Douchebag. I love this name. I even had this in my phone when I used to have his number. It gave me a laugh when he would text me. I really couldn't tell you how we met, and I'm really not kidding. He couldn't either. We tried to think of it and for some reason there is this void in our minds about how we came across one another. I'm sure that my family has heard different stories from him and I on it and I really don't think they meshed with the others' story. We also both have different opinions when it comes to how long we were actually together. He says two and a half years and I say a little over three. I think I am right, but what do I know? I still don't know if I was just really persuasive or just annoyed my mom to her breaking point because I am not sure how she let me go on a date with him. He was 22 and I was 16. I guess it was similar to Aqua man, but I dunno. In the beginning, the relationship really wasn't supposed to progress all that far. He was going to be going to boot camp for the Air Force in two months so he wasn't wanting to get attached. It seems like we were meant to spend the time we did together because his leave date kept getting pushed back time and time again. By the time that he actually left to boot camp we had been together for a year and a half. 
The Captain was a looker, I will admit. There were some people that actually asked me if he was gay because he was that metro. One of my gay friends I worked with actually checked him out. We were folding some shirts and he came up to me and made a comment about the guy walking in the store. I just laughed and said, "That's Captain Douchebag." I don't think I had ever seen him blush so much. He had come to my house a little while later and the Captain was there and told me, "Don't you ever tell him I thought he was hot. It might make him feel weird". It wasn't the first time it happened.  My aunt asked me once if he waxed his eyebrows. Yeah, I dunno. I don't think so? He also had these stories he would tell. At the time I thought his big fish stories were endearing, but now they just drive me nuts. There were so many times that family and friends would ask me if he was really telling the truth or not. *Shrugs* Your guess is as good as mine. There were very few stories that I could actually confirm the authenticity of, but most of them I still don't know. On top of telling ridiculous big fish stories, he was a know it all. Even if I knew for a fact that I was right it didn't matter. I was wrong. There were so many times that I wanted to punch him in the face. He also had terrible taste in tattoos. Tribal. That's all I will say about that one.
 
I'm going to save you a lot of boring details and fast forward a bit to when he leaves for boot camp. Like I said, by this time we were together for a year and a half. Before he left he decided that he wanted to propose. You read that right. PROPOSE. I was so excited when it happened and so happy. I felt like I was living my own fairy tale and getting my happy ending. I remember a conversation with my sister and I had told her about the engagement. The way I heard the conversation was, "You're too young. Blah blah blah. Go to college. Blah blah blah. What are you thinking? Blah blah blah." Sorry, sis. I get what you meant now, but I was kind of being dumb back then. Captain finally ships out and I am starting my senior year, and I am engaged. Not only was this my first serious boyfriend, but I was engaged. Did I mention I was engaged?! Yeah, I started freaking out. I played it cool though and tried to deal with it. He came home sooner than expected because he got hurt in boot camp and couldn't finish. Shortly after he came home is when things started falling apart. Things felt different between us, I felt different and I knew he felt different but he wouldn't come out and say it. 

In a last ditch effort to save what we had, I told him to still plan on coming to Lava Hot Springs with us for our annual camping trip. Worst. Idea. Ever. That was the worst camping trip I have ever been on in my life. Almost the entire trip he barely talked to me, barely touched me, and just acted like an ass. When he finally did reach out to touch me it was because he wanted to stop being an ass and get some ass instead. Then he got mad at me when I called him out on it. He turned away from me and started acting like a two year old and gave me the silent treatment. I dealt with a lot of insecurities when I was dating him and he knew this. We had gotten matching shirts (Not on purpose. I bought it for him for his birthday and I liked it and wanted one for sleeping in) and they were both the same size. I had gotten in the tent and changed into my shirt and next thing I know he freaks out. "You are wearing my shirt! You are going to stretch it out!" For those of you that knew me at this time I was on the heavy side, which was why I was insecure. I simply thought that he was referring to by boobs but he said, "No, your arms are going to stretch out the sleeves." Fuck you, dude. I may have been chubby but my arms weren't bigger than yours. 


That wasn't even the worst of it. He ran into some people later on that he knew from work and when I came up to him to let him know that dinner was ready he looked at me like my face was melting or something. Not only that, I was introduced as a "friend". We hadn't broken up yet! We got rained out and had to come home early from the trip and we saved the majority of the alcohol for the last night. So add in all the asshole things he had done on the trip, his shitty attitude, and the "friend" comment then mix that with Tequila and Jager. I don't remember a lot of the night, but I remember finding out that he hacked my email and messenger accounts and periodically checked my phone. I got taken to my aunt's house even though he tried to get me to stay. I wandered into my her house all snotty from bawling, drunk off my ass only to be greeted by my other aunt that was staying over as well. The reason this is so significant? She is one of my VERY Mormon aunts. Her comment? "Is she drunk?" Yes, yes I was. I lost a shoe and it took me a day to remember where I left my glasses. I couldn't even eat a piece of toast the next day. It wasn't pretty. Luckily, he blacked out almost as bad as I did so we couldn't really talk about what happened because neither of us remembered. That fateful day is when things ended with us. I decided that we needed to separate and that I needed to go out and live a little. I couldn't deal with being engaged and I just felt like I needed to do other things at the time. If maybe we had met a couple years later things would have worked out differently, but that's not how things happened. 

Part of me wishes that I could say things ended with us here, but I can't. About a year after we broke up we started talking again. He started talking to me on Facebook and we were friends for a while before I got put on his permanent block list. I may have been on the block list, but that was just so I couldn't stalk him and call him out on shit that he failed to mention to me. (Like having a girlfriend but trying to get me to let him come over and "hang out".) I also want to say that he is the one that always starts talking to me again. He could never tell me why, but something always brought him back.
 

 I don't want to bore you so I am actually going to split this up into two posts. Mostly because the most ridiculous stuff that happened with him was after we broke up. Save some snacks and soda for next time, kiddos.

Aqua Man is a shitty superhero.

Shortly after Puff, I met another guy. I will give you three guesses as to how we met... Internet. Of course. Anyway, I have always had a thing for older men apparently because Aqua man was 22 when we met. Although, this time I did say I was 16 and for whatever reason he still wanted to date me. Now that I look back on it I should have probably taken that as a sign I shouldn't be interested in a 22 year old that would date a 16 year old, but I digress. 
I'm sure you are wondering about the name by now. You see, this guy had a thing with fish. He had this huge aquarium that was at least 6 feet long and it was filled with all sorts of fishes. He even ordered some online so he could have exotic types in his tank. He eventually out grew that tank and had to add another one to his house that was at least three feet long, and he also built a moat in his back yard so that he could put fishes in there. Seriously, I couldn't make this shit up. A moat? Who builds a moat?
 This guy was also not along the lines of my "type", just like Puff. He was a freaking bean pole and blond. No offense to blonds out there but I am not really attracted to many blond guys. I am also going to sound like a gold digger when I say this, but the guy had money. Or at least that is how he portrayed himself. He had to have the best of the best. He had two houses. One he rented (to another ex of mine oddly enough) and the one he lived in. He also had three cars. Three. They were all bright freaking yellow. A yellow truck, a yellow mustang and some other yellow car that he later traded in for a yellow bullet bike. He really had a thing for things. He pretty much thought that unless you had three cars, a shit load of exotic fish, and whatever else you didn't have anything really. I also have no idea if he actually had money or if he was just ass deep in debt. I know he bought stuff and sold it on eBay a lot and that is where he got some of his money, but I can't confirm that he actually was in the black and not in the red.

At first, things were great with Aqua man. He was really nice, wanted to spend time with me, and just seemed like a good guy. We had been dating a couple of months and I was eventually taken out to his mom's house in Roberts to meet her and his million brothers and sisters. I couldn't even tell you how many he actually had. They started to run together because they looked so similar that it was creepy. They seemed nice enough, but apparently his mom couldn't get over the fact that he was no longer with his previous girlfriend and that I didn't go to church. Go figure. Everything that she talked about had some kind of reference to her and I was compared to her about how I dressed, how old I was, how I did my hair,and that she went to church every Sunday. Awkward. Needless to say I wanted to get out of there ASAP. At least Aqua man was nice and stood up for me a little and let his mom know he wasn't really wanting to be with his ex anymore. 
After what seemed like forever we eventually made our way back to his place to watch a movie. There we were just cuddling on the couch when out of no where he drops a bomb. I'm going to remind you that we only had been dating like 2 months at this point. He threw out the L word. Uh. Hmm. Thanks? That was my response. In return he said, "Well I think it's time I take you home. If you don't know that you love me by now then I don't think you will ever love me." So me being the 16 year old that I was, I cried on the way to my house and the next two days I was depressed and tried to talk him into getting back together. No luck. He still stuck with what he said and that I should know that I love him or not and that I was wasting his time if I didn't. He said we could stay friends but we weren't getting back together. I was still talking to him towards the end of that school year and start of the summer. My mom, for whatever reason, sees him out somewhere and invites him over to our house for the 4th of July. This was kind of awkward since I had started talking to the person that I will mention later on. So instead of spending the 4th with a guy I was interested in, I had to spend it with my ex because I am too nice to un invite him. He was at the house and I had left my phone laying around so he decided to snoop and saw that I was talking to someone else. He then proceeded to tell me I was a player and a fake and that he knew he shouldn't have come. I didn't want you there dude, but whatever. He left after that and I pretty much ceased conversation with him at that point.


Now let's shoot ahead about 1 1/2 years....

Don't worry about all the details in that time frame. That will be covered in the next chapter. After the debris cleared from the explosion I moved on and found someone else. I was very happy at this point in time and didn't want anything else. Out of the blue, Aqua man contacts me. He wants to be "friends" and hang out with me. I discussed this with Captain Douchebag (awesome name, I know) and he was fine with it. Well, that should have just been avoided all together. By the time I was done hanging out with him I kind of felt like a hooker.  He offered me things to get back together with him. He would take me on a trip, he would help me get a new car, he would buy me jewelry. I know this is a material world, but I am not a material girl. I told him that I was happy with who I was with and there wasn't anything he could offer me to leave. 
This whole situation ends up biting me in the ass later on. Captain Douchebag ends up living in his rental house (after we split mind you) and Aqua man finds out who he is. He then tells the Captain this whole story that I was all over him while he was away at boot camp and that I kissed him and blah blah blah. Nope. Didn't happen. He refused to believe me even though he hates Aqua man and knows first hand what a moron he is. He still thinks to this day that all that happened.

Ok so this one wasn't very entertaining, but I promise I will make up for it. I was just filing in my timeline. I'll get to better stuff, just you wait.