Back to square one....After another glorious attempt I am once again finding myself in the dating field once more. As the years pass I find myself becoming more and more pessimistic in my dating life. I really do try to hold on to positivity and stay a "glass is half full" kind of girl, but it is becoming more and more difficult to do these days. Although, that means good news for my blog because I have plenty of new stories to share, and those of you that are in an established and happy relationship can relish in the fact that you are not standing in my size 7 1/2 shoes. I can attest to the fact that you are not missing a good time.
You aren't even missing an ok time. Really, even if you are miserable it is probably better than dating these days. Technology has crippled the art of dating. So many people are out of touch with emotions and how to deal with them that they are becoming zombies with their smartphones, ipads and tablets. A meaningful conversation is difficult to come by and so is the actual effort of getting to know someone. I can't tell you the last time that I remember being asked on a date. I have been asked to "hang out" plenty, but a date.... I don't know when the last time it was actually called a date. Oh wait, please hold. Or rather read on.....The process of getting to know someone has even changed. You no longer wait for that phone call, but text back and forth with little or no emotion and wait for the other person to misinterpret something you said. Then instead of calling one another to talk about what was said, an argument ensues and leads to more miscommunication and hurt feelings. Ahh, technology. How did we survive without you?
As I have dived back into the dating pool I have come to expect certain things that follow on becoming single once again. One of those things are previous boyfriends. I am not sure if they have a radar or some tracking device they installed in me, but without fail there are at least two people that I have either dated or been in a relationship with before that come sniffing around again. Obviously things didn't work the second or third time around so I am not sure why you need round four..... Yeah, I make mistakes more than once. I have to be sure, ya know?
Then there are people that I never dated but I was interested in or they were interested in me and some force prevented us from not getting together. My favorite is the Whiskey Casanova. The one that deep down has feelings for you, wants to date but has some reason (could be a good reason or total bullshit) not to, but the only reason you know this is because he is hanging out with Mr. Jack Daniels. Just like any other girl I like hearing nice things about myself, especially from the opposite sex. What's even better is when it is from someone that you are crushing on and you go back to high school days and start dreaming about the obvious proposal that is coming next and the china patterns you will be picking out. Or maybe that was just me. Whatevs.
Just for fun, here's case in point-
In my adult life the crushes I have had have been few and far between, but there has been one that has spanned over quite a few years. I'm talking almost Unicorn status. Almost. Please see previous blog post if you need to know what a Unicorn is.... Anyway, it had been quite a while since I had spoken to him and as I recall the last time went just about the same minus one big detail. If you can pick out that detail you win! Not a prize or anything but you can have the satisfaction of being a winner. Anywho, a conversation was struck out of the blue one evening and although I was skeptical in the beginning I had decided to see how things would play out. Needless to say, I nailed it. Our conversation started out with the basic, "Hey how are ya" and led to a question and answer session on why we never dated. Basically there were multiple misunderstandings on both sides because we both didn't think that either one of us wanted to pursue anything due to one big possible deal breaker (Kids and whether or not I wanted them). So as this conversation goes on I am wondering what in the hell the point is because it seemed as though he was just saying why he didn't want to date me. Awesome. Then, the conversation changed. It turned into one of those day dreams with him saying perfect things like, "You're amazing, you're beautiful, you are funny and an amazing catch". Yes, I know, but go on. I literally am sitting with my jaw dropped at the things he said he thought about me. Nothing dirty, don't be a pervert. I am a pretty modest person, most of the time, and I never would have thought those things ran through his head about me. The kicker was he said that he has thought these things for years. YEARS. WTF?? So now I am thoroughly confused and intrigued and he moved the conversation to uncharted territory. He asked me out on a date. An actual date. Not a hang out, not netflix and chill, a date. Mind blown. Maybe this time things would actually happen or see if they could happen.....
Que the morning after.....
I try to start a conversation with a nice "Good Morning" and the response I get back? "Yeah, about last night.... I didn't mean to say that much." Yeah.....that's cool. No prob. Let me just pick up those rainbows and unicorns and tuck them back in. Seriously....I can't make this shit up.
I don't have time for this shit. I am almost 30 and I'm still looking for someone to be my companion and this is what I am working with. Why would you open up something like that only to take it all back? I know that I am totally guilty of using liquid courage to get my feelings out there, but I don't take back what I said. Even when I make a complete ass of myself. I was completely open to just seeing where things went, regardless of if it worked out or not. It was a total let down. Not only did it hurt me, but it pissed me off. I felt as though it was just a bait and switch on my feelings. Something thrown out there for me to try to grab onto but gets pulled out of reach. I should have just listened to myself with the suspicions I had. I hate it when I am right sometimes. In his defense, I don't think it was done on purpose but it still sucked because this wasn't the first time.
So besides the Whiskey Casanova there are guys that are what I like to call Bargain Shoppers. These guys are the ones that are interested, but they are also looking around for other deals too. Case in point when I get passed up not once but twice for two different girls. Now to be fair we weren't dating really and we definitely weren't in a relationship so I can't get too mad at him for going after other girls. What gets me is I get the same spiel from him that I got from Whiskey Casanova. He tells me how beautiful I am, that I have my shit together, I am goal oriented and I am basically a total catch. Yet, he went with two different girls that I could tell by looking at them were not what he "said" he was looking for instead. Huh. Yeah, I don't get it either. The thing in all of this is trying not to take it personally. I know I'm not a 10, but I am at least a solid 7.5 and I think I am a pretty decent catch, but when you think that and get told that and still get passed up it's hard not to take that personally. Am I missing something? I guess bar hopping, crazy train females are the new black and I'm wearing yellow.
I am not trying to pull a poor me by any means. I am the one that picks the guys I am interested in so obviously I need to change that up a bit and go for a different caliber of men. I have even thought that maybe if I went somewhere else that maybe I would have better luck with men, but I think I would just pick out the same type in a new town....*Sigh* I suppose it is a new year and time for a new outlook and setting on my man scope.....Here we go again.
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