So, I am back again. That can only mean one thing, I'm single. Big shocker, right? I will say that this time I am thrilled to be single after the roller coaster of a relationship I came out of. It was a one way ticket on the crazy train to put it lightly. Ten months of my life was spent babysitting a grown man while he drank like a fish, got into multiple suspicious situations, lied to me and his family and wasted my time. There was a time where I felt love for this kid, I refuse to call him a man, but towards the end he created so much resentment that I couldn't stand to be in the same room that he was in. The best part of that relationship was his family. They are some of the most kind, generous and forgiving people I have ever met. I hated how he treated his family and what he put them through after all they have done for him. It broke my heart. I hope one day he can wake up and see how much of his life he has wasted being the way he is and start appreciating what and who he has in his life. It's time to grow up.
There are perks about being single. I guess. I keep doing that annoying thing where I learn what I don't want and what I do, but yet I still can't find those things that I decide I do want. I am definitely over the bar scene. I don't miss smelling like I lathered myself in cigarette ashes, trying to remember if I walked home the night before or not, and trying to figure out why my shorts and shirt are soaking wet. Yeah, true story. I am nothing shy of a hot mess when I tie one on and I am glad to say that it has been a while since that happened. Although it is fun to reminisce about the ridiculous things I have done while intoxicated, for everyone else anyway, I can't help but die a little inside when I remember that random dude I made out with on my birthday or the sprinklers I apparently walked through on my trek back home.
In this town it is hard to meet people. As you know, I am an online dater. If you aren't active in the LDS church groups then the only other place you can really meet people is the bar. I don't have many friends that have friends they can set me up with, that or I'm not their type. Or something. I also won't just randomly talk to someone on the street. With my luck I'll be talking to Mr. Handsome and his Mrs. Beautiful Wife will come up asking what the hell I'm doing. Ironic, right? I've been told by people that I have chatted with on the dating websites that, "I can't believe you're single. You're way too pretty. I bet you get hit on all the time". Uh. No. How am I supposed to take that? I don't get hit on. Ever. Unless it's a girl. That counts, right? I must just take fantastic pictures and then look less than stellar in real life. That's the only thing I can think of. I've also been told that I am intimidating. Really? Me? I'm a pint sized and super quiet. I hardly think I possess the intimidating quality.
Being single again also makes me realize that dating sucks. As if I didn't know already I get to come to the realization all over again. I am 28 years old and each time a relationship ends I get closer and closer to being that crazy dog lady. I will not be a crazy cat lady, I refuse. I would rather spend time with dogs that are always happy to see me than cats that could really care less if I was even in existence. Well, until they are hungry and can't get food themselves. Dating is this vicious cycle of routines. There is the phase where you first talk and find out if there is a spark of interest. Then if there is the conversation continues and maybe a date will come out of it. The date itself sparks so much anxiety that I am freaking out just thinking about it. There's always the conversation of what you want to do for the date. The guy thinks there is all this pressure to plan this great date when in reality you can just take us to dinner and we will be happy. Food is always the answer. Then again, if you go to eat you have to worry about what you order because you don't want to have your breath stink and you forgot your gum. If you don't have gum and your breath stinks for the goodnight kiss then he will totally judge you on that and base his decision on if he is going to go out with you again. Who wants to go out with garlic breath? Dracula certainly didn't and neither will he. You worry about the kiss, if there is something in your teeth, the stain from the food you spilled on your shirt because you are clumsy and are the reason you can't have anything nice. He keeps looking at me, he must like me. Or is there something in my teeth? Do I have something on my face? In my hair? Why does he keep looking at me? I must have something on my face. Or in my teeth. That's totally it. The date is ruined. Argh. By the time I get to the potential goodnight kiss I am so nervous that I ramble and look awkward. I'm so tragically awkward.
If you are a lucky another date might come out of it, but if not you have do to the same thing. Repeat as necessary. It's getting so old. After so many times of answering questions like "What are your interests?" "What do you like to do for fun?" I realize that I am neither interesting or fun. I don't have any awesome hobbies or interests to talk about, I am not a sports person, and I spend way more time than I would like to admit in my pajamas. If that doesn't say 'great catch' then I don't know what does.
In my quest for finding love I have found that people suck. Notice I said people, not men. People in general just suck. There are so many rude and inconsiderate people out there that it blows my mind. For example, since this is the digital age I text a lot to the people I am interested in. I will make phone calls, but for the most part I text. However, even though text is impersonal I will still tell someone that I am busy, going to bed or otherwise unable to talk. Why is that such a hard concept? If you are busy, cool. Just tell me. If you aren't feeling all that well and don't want to talk, hope you feel better and get a hold of me when you can. Don't just quit talking and stop responding when you just responded five minutes ago. I don't know where the hell they go, but they walk off the face of the earth until 3 days later they randomly remember how to operate their phone. WTF?? Then when you ask them WTF they make it seem like you are digging through their browsing history or something. The worst is when you have them as a Facebook friend and you can see that they are doing things on there and completely ignoring you. Yeah, that makes a girl feel like a winner. Then they can't understand why you start pulling back on them because they are "really interested" in you and like talking to you. Silly me, I totally see that now since you sent me a text that one time a week ago.
The worst part is putting all of this effort into getting to know someone, talking/texting each other, getting excited for the date and meeting one other only to have everything just fall apart. I have dates that I have gone on that everything went great, or at least I thought. Then I never hear from them again or we gradually stop talking. Why can't you just tell me you weren't interested? Or was it because I had something in my teeth on our date? Or was it on my face? It was totally the garlic breath.
Seriously though, don't tell me that you had a great time and then stop talking to me. Don't be a dick. I would feel so much better about dating if the other person told me after the date that they really weren't feeling it and didn't see another date in our future. That would take the pressure and anxiety off me trying to figure out if they liked me or not. Do I text them? Do I leave them alone? Do I keep stalking their Facebook page? It's just so hard. Such is life I suppose. One of these days I will either just put a stop to the dating thing or I will find one of those great catches I keep hearing about. People have found them so they have to still exist, right? I'll be sure to let you know if that happens, in the meantime you can just enjoy the ridiculousness that is my dating life.
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