Alcohol is bad, kids.

Man, I suck at blogging. It's been a really, really long time. In my defense, I haven't really had internet for a while and one needs that in order to blog. I was trying to think of things to blog once I was able to, but I apparently suck at being Carrie Bradshaw as well. *Sigh* I just can't win. 

Another example of me not winning, I am back on the single bandwagon yet again. I am pretty proud of myself with the ending of this relationship though because I actually gave it the old college try. If you were to ask my friends how my relationships go they would most likely inform you that if I got annoyed, frustrated, or found something that I just didn't like I usually left. Well I didn't do that this time. I actually stuck it out and tried really hard to make things work. In the end though my efforts were futile. Maybe we were just two completely different people that just didn't belong together. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that he is a bad guy or anything. He really is a nice guy and he could be great if he actually acted more on the potential he had rather than just talking about it. 

Anyway, I did in the span of my hiatus find my list I made of the people I dated. Yes, I made a list. It was really the only way I could make sure I remembered people and could think of totally awesome nicknames to give them. I think I gave up on keeping things in order because I am pretty sure that I messed that up already. I decided that I would just pick someone to talk about whenever I wanted. I can do that, ya know. I promise I will keep them entertaining. 

As I was contemplating who I should write about this time I decided that this will actually be a post about more than one guy. These guys all kind of fall into the same category because I met them all at a bar. I can't decide if the bar is better or the internet...so far they are pretty dead even in the pretty shitty decision department. So there used to be a bar in town that the BFF and I used to frequent a lot. It changed names a few times, but for a long time it was THE place to go for dancing in our little town. It is closed now and honestly there are times I miss it. I had a lot of fun, weird, awkward memories in that place. One of them is when the BFF and I met Dumb and Dumber. I can't even remember how we happened upon these two guys but a conversation was struck up. I'm sure one if not both of us were already riding the buzz train so that was part of it. What's funny is not only does Dumb and Dumber work for them because they were pretty fucking stupid, but they also had the same name. Yeah don't ask me. By the end of the night Dumb was exchanging numbers with BFF and Dumber was talking to me. Notice I didn't say he was exchanging numbers with me. In this day and age it is hard to find someone without a cell phone, but if they didn't you would think they would have a home phone,right? Apparently Dumber was just living in the stone age or something because he had neither. He said that if I wanted to talk to him I was going to have to go through Dumb. Red flag, right?

He was even trying to kiss all on me as we were leaving the bar and telling me that I need to get a hold of him. So I came home without a phone number and BFF started talking to Dumb and in the process asked what the deal with Dumber was. Well, come to find out the reason why Dumber mysteriously had no form of contact was because he probably would have been in deep shit if his wife would have found out. Yep. His WIFE. All the pieces kind of fit after that and then I was just pissed that he was such a douche, and of course he was the douche that had to hit on me. Dumb had known the whole time, obviously, and said that he was just trying to get his friend a girl. BFF at that point quit talking to him and told him to tell Dumber that he was a jerk. Later on that day I went to the store and Dumber just happened to walk in with his wife and kid in the shopping cart....He looked right at me and I think he shit about ten bricks at that very moment.

This second guy I just wanted to talk about. I didn't really date him. The story is just funny every time I tell it. One year for my birthday I went out to the bars with my friends and needless to say got pretty shitty. I am not one to really go up and talk to people, let alone guys. Unless I'm drunk that is. My friends and I had been having a pretty good time at one of our favorite watering holes. I think that it was on my birthday. Yeah, pretty sure. I was nice and trashed and we were leaving one bar and going to another. I think. I really should have my friend here to tell me the details because I honestly don't remember all of it. What I do remember is that as we were leaving I happened to see this guy out of the corner of my eye and I said, "He's cute". So what does my friend respond with? "You should go kiss him." I think that's what she said. God, I suck. So I do. Yeah, I go kiss him. I walk up to him and tell him I think that he is cute and I wanted to kiss him. So we kiss. Just like that. After we break apart I start walking up the stairs and he totally starts following me. Not what I expected. He's trying to talk to me and as I mentioned I was pretty good and trashed so I was completely distracted. I paid him no mind and he eventually stopped following my friends and I. 

Now we fast forward. I don't hit the bars much anymore, but every time I go to that bar I see that guy. He never remembers me. EVER. I have to reintroduce myself every time to him. Not even kidding. He even says every time that he will remember me next time. Yeah, that never happens. It's just funny because my friends always have to point him out when we see him and mention that I made out with him. Every time. They also have to mention how drunk he always is and that I picked THAT to make out with. EVERY TIME. Ok, it's funny. It really is. I really wish I could have been at the bar the night that he got punched by some chick. That would have made up for the fact that he never remembered my name. Ever. Jerk.