All aboard the crazy express

I think I mentioned before that I have been pretty lucky so far when it comes to crazy exes. I have also been pretty lucky in not having very many crazy potentials as well. However, one's luck can only go so far until it runs out and you find that person that is bat shit crazy. Enter, Mr. Crazy Pants. I could probably save a lot of time in saying that yes, I met him online. Of course. Why would I meet him anywhere else?  Now that that's out of the way we can get onto the story.

So Mr. Crazy Pants seemed nice enough. They always do in the beginning. I'm a firm believer that the good majority of people put up a front for a good span of time in the beginning. Especially the crazy ones. They have to try to show you they aren't off their fucking rocker so they can get you hook, line and sinker. Once they get you it's near impossible to get out. Once you do I am pretty sure you suffer from a small grade form of PTSD for a period of time. Hence, the issues, walls and guards people have. Everyone is trying to rule out the crazy ones. Now, don't get me wrong. Everyone is a little crazy. There is good crazy, bad crazy, sick crazy, and bat shit crazy. Then there is the scale on how attractive you are as to which crazy you can put up with. The hotter they are the more likely someone is able to put up with their shenanigans. There's a whole youtube video on this. Go look. I'll wait.

As I was saying, this guy seemed decent enough. Had a pretty decent job and had hit a couple rough patches but seemed to be working on things. I try not to criticize people too much on their situation in life because you always have to take into account where they started from. That, and if they are actually working to make themselves better. So he seemed like he was on the up and up and we got along pretty well. I enjoyed his conversation and genuinely looked forward to talking to him again. That doesn't happen too often anymore. It's hard to find someone that can keep my interest in a conversation and make me want to keep talking to them.

Things keep going fairly well and I am thinking that at some point we are going to talk about setting up a meeting or something. So I let him know when my days off are and when I am not on call so he knows when it would be easier to get together. After the first week he indicated he may want to try to get together that weekend. The weekend rolls around and I keep my plans clear in hopes that we are going to make plans and he decides that he wants to go to Soda Springs to see his mom for the weekend so he can't. Maybe sometime next week. Ok. Fine. Whatever. So we keep talking and things seem alright. He asks me one night if we can talk on the phone since we hadn't met in person yet just so he can hear what I sound like. Ok, I'll bite. After all, that is what a phone is for, right?

He calls and we talk on the phone a bit. I start getting the feeling he really isn't having a great time on this conversation. He sounds really distracted, he isn't being very talkative, and just not how it was when we would text. Huh. K. Weird. He decides he is going to let me go he just wanted to hear my voice and we could go back to texting. As we go back to texting I tell him, "It doesn't really seem like you were all that interested in our conversation. I hope I wasn't boring you." No response for about five minutes. Then, the crazy train pulls up. Oh, and this is one time that I wish I had screenshots of my conversation with this guy because it was pretty epic, and I am pretty sure I will miss something but here goes.....(Keep in mind I am going from memory and so this might not be word for word here)

Him - "Really? That's kind of rude to say to someone."
Me - "Uhh...Why? I think what I was implying was that I was boring?"
Him - "I can't believe I have been wasting my time. Why would I call you if I wasn't interested? Talk to you on the phone?"
Me - "I was just asking a question. You seemed really distracted and not really interested in what we were talking about. I wasn't trying to be rude."
Him - "Whatever. This is a joke. I don't need this."
Me - "Uhh K?"

I don't get a response for a few minutes.....

Him - "You know, now I see why you are single." (Well that escalated quickly. Oh, is that it? I was wondering....)
Me - "Ouch. Really? Ok. We are done. I don't need this from someone I have never met before over asking a simple question."
Him - "You say you know what you want and that you are tired of games and here you are playing them. This is a joke. You are a joke. You are going to be single forever." (Says the guy acting like he is two)
Me -
Him "What? Nothing to say? Come on. You are just going to let things go like this? I thought we had a connection. I thought that this was something real. Say something. Anything."
Me -
Him - "I know you have something to say. This is ridiculous. I have been trying to meet you and you still haven't even met me yet. What kind of game are you playing? Say something at least."
Me -
Him - "I can see you typing (he has an iphone as well). I deserve an answer why you are going to write things off like that. I deserve an answer.I have invested 100% into this. You said you were all in and now I can see that's a bunch of shit."
Me - "First of all, we have been talking for a week and a half. (Yeah, you read that right. Holy hell.) We haven't even met yet and for you to belittle me that easily over asking a simple question makes me uninterested in meeting you what so ever. I don't have an interest in someone that will treat me like shit especially, when we haven't even met. So yeah, I am done."

At this point he calls me because I didn't have the balls to call him on the phone and tell him all this. I was taking the easy way out and doing it over text and being disrespectful. His conversation is a mix of the one above and then goes into the "I'm sorry. Please. Don't be done." and then he cries. Or attempts to. Or something. I am not even sure. For real, dude? I tell him that this is me on the phone telling him that I am done and I don't want to talk anymore. I repeat, lose my number. "Ok. I'm sorry. Goodbye"

But is he done? Psh.

Him - "I am sorry. I was just upset. You said that I was boring and I took it personally. I just really like you and want to meet you so bad. We click so well and we haven't even met. I am just really all in on this. I will meet you right now. I will drive where ever you want and meet you just to show you I am serious."
Me - "No. I said I was done and I am done. I never said you were boring. I didn't even imply it. It was nothing directed to you at all, and if asking one simple question is going to piss you off this early then I don't want to see what it is like down the road. So no, we aren't going to meet."
Him - "No. Please. I am sorry. I told you I was sorry. I was just upset. Don't do this. I will come meet you, please. You know I love you like a person. I even got you a birthday present. Let me give it to you" (Uh. Birthday present? For fucks sake. I. What? No. We haven't even met yet!!)
Me - "No. Please lose my number. I am done."
Him - "I knew you were full of shit. I try to tell you that I would meet you right now and you don't want to. You were never all in you were never 100% into me. You were just full of shit. Just stay single."
Me - (Man, this guy is full of compliments) "Wow. Just wow. Please, like I said. Lose my number. I no longer have any interest in meeting you any longer. While I appreciate the thought of the birthday present it is a little much for me. Please just leave me alone." (If there are more men like you then yes, I will gladly stay single.)

After about another half hour of him texting me similar responses, he finally stopped and said he would lose my number. I was so worried over the next few days that I would hear from him again and it made my stomach turn. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not one for the drama. Please, leave me out of it. I do not handle it well. I am not one for confrontation, drama or anything of the sorts. My anxiety goes through the roof and frankly, I am just too nice for any of it. Unless, you piss me off. Which this guy did. Call me out if I have done something, but don't deflect your shit on me and treat me badly and belittle me. I'm worth more than that. 


I really wish I had those screenshots because the actual conversation was pure blog gold. Like 24K. Oh well. Maybe next time.

Same shit, different age.

Since my last post I have turned 30, so I feel like I should share my new found knowledge with the people that still like to be entertained by my posts. First of all, dating still sucks. If anything it's worse. I have gotten to the point in life that I really don't have a lot of fucks to give when it comes to bullshit anymore with dating. Don't want to hang out with me? Fine. Don't want to text me back? Fine. Want to just send vague responses and only emojis back on a snap chat? Fine. You do you, boo.

Secondly, being 30 and being in the position I am personally in, makes me feel useless. I have gone to school and graduated. I have done my apprenticeship and am now a licensed mortician. I have bought a house and I have a cute tank of a dog to go with it. Now what? What do I work towards? Obviously, I need to find some new hobbies or something, but that takes a lot of effort that I am not sure if I want to expend. Don't get me wrong, there are things that I would like to get into or hobbies I would like to take up, but most of them involve me doing them with a partner of sorts. I know what you are going to say, "Don't you have friends?". Why yes, yes I do. However, there are just some things that in my mind I would just like to become a thing with a significant other. I have come to find that being in my position, at my age, is just kind of awkward and feels slightly off kilter. The majority of my friends are doing the married with kids thing, the kids thing, or just the married thing. The small percentage of those that are still in my boat are becoming few and far between. Being on two different life levels makes it hard to coordinate girl's nights or any other kind of get together. So, here I am, sitting in my boat, waiting for all of my other ship mates to abandon ship and leave me to row myself. Where's my level up? Adulting sucks.

The more dates that I go on, the more I realize I really may just be forever alone. In which case, I will turn into the crazy dog lady and just spend the rest of my life battling hair and slobber on every imaginable surface. I also think that maybe it's not them, it's me. I don't know if the fact that I know what I am looking for freaks them out or maybe I really just am difficult to deal with. I don't know. I don't think I overreact, but maybe I do. I don't think I am crazy, but maybe I am. I don't think I am needy, but quite possibly I am, very much so. God, it might be me. Gah! See, this is what dating does to your brain. It messes everything up and it makes you over analyze yourself because you think you aren't good enough. In reality, it's probably because no one wants to have a relationship anymore, they don't want to commit and they don't want to deal with their problems so they walk away. It really has nothing to do with you. Or in some cases it might. Sometimes, it really is you, but a lot of people just walk away at the first sign of bullshit rather than trying to figure things out. There is always another fish in the sea. This one sucks so I am throwing it back. Maybe next time I will get a salmon and not this trout. Both are decent fish, but the next one could be better. Just like the last guy. I wanted to keep doing the same thing we were doing, but it was too much for him. He wasn't ready to put a label on it and he was scared. Even though we were pretty much exclusive, he introduced me to his kid and his parents, and wanted to see me all the time. He felt so lost and confused and unsure. Less than six months later he now has a live in girlfriend. So, I guess in this case, I was the trout. At least I didn't end up with the jellyfish with no back bone.

Everyone is disposable anymore. No one gives two shits about anyone else. Things will be going fine, great in fact, and then out of the blue something changes. You are going down rainbow road and you don't see the hole in the path and you fall into oblivion. Things get back on track but you keep losing your place. You start hitting banana peels, turtle shells, and even more holes. You keep hoping for a flashing star to get you past the finish line, but keep getting hit by thunderbolts and it makes you fall further and further behind. You watch them lap you again and again until they go off to the next course and you are still stuck on rainbow road. Reaching, just trying to get past that checkered flag....Don't ask me why I just compared dating to Mario Kart. I don't know where it came from either. My point is that no one really cares when things fall out of place anymore. Even when you really like someone. It's easier to just lap them and keep going then try to help them get caught back up. It seems like interest gets lost at the slightest change in course and if you can't keep up, you better hope you got a lot of red turtle shells in your arsenal.

I have tried the whole "stop looking and it will find you thing" and it's hard to do. I get the concept. Sit around and be patient and just do you. Got it. I've already done me and frankly, I am kind of getting bored with me. I crack some decent jokes here and there, but I need something new. I have also ran into the opposite problem when I have stopped looking. "Well you aren't putting yourself out there. How are they supposed to find you if you don't put yourself out there?" K, so let me get this straight. Don't look because they will come to you, but put yourself out there and available so they can come to you. Right. Got it. How exactly does that work? How do I put myself out there without looking? I am already out there. People see me everyday. I go to places that people can see me, I try to appear available without holding a big sign that says "Single and not completely crazy", and I try not to get too into the online dating things anymore. I am not sure what else to do. Dating is becoming something that I am not used to and apparently need to learn. The things I thought that it meant to "date" are now obsolete and not applicable. Who knew that at 30 I could already be behind the times?

But to be fair, I almost am ok with how things are. I am trying to find the silver lining in things. If I don't shave my legs for a week, that's my prerogative. No one is touching them anytime soon so what do I care? Went past your waxing appointment a few days? Ok, that shit itches but still. I have no obligatory parties to go to, no friends I need to meet, no parents that are going to love me and wonder why the hell you aren't dating me anymore. I can come home and change into sweats and stay that way if I really want to. It's the little things really.