I think I'll just date myself

I hope you missed me. I know it's been a while. I haven't had the itch to write for a while, but I not only have the itch but some decent material. I've had to hit the dating scene yet again and it's been just as before, horrendous. It really is getting rather exhausting. So to get you up to date I am still online dating, but I have moved on to more than just POF. I decided to give Tinder a go around and believe you me, it's just as awful as people make it out to be. Luckily, you only message those that you match with and vice versa, and if you decide you don't want to match with them anymore you can make them go away with a click of the unmatch button. Anyway, I've had a few from there that I have talked to and let's just say the luck from that isn't any better. If I was smart I would have screenshot a lot of the conversations that I had before we unmatched....but I didn't think that far ahead. So let's just get started, shall we?

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten a lot of hook up requests and I count my many blessings that you can't send pics in the messenger because I can only imagine how many unsolicited dick pics I would get. There are actually guys on there to claim to actually want a relationship and are like me and branching out to find more "options" than what is in the other online dating pool. One thing is for sure, I think it's a requirement for almost every male in my area to have a picture of them holding a freaking fish. I swear that almost every single profile has the same picture of some guy holding a fish in both hands, fish mouth pointed to the camera, and a goofy ass expression on their face. I get it. People around here like to fish. I'm wondering if that is hurting my chances since I have no fish wielding pictures of my own. I am willing to take that chance though. Most of the people I was talking to weren't really all that interesting and I was having a hard time wanting to have a conversation.

Enter Bachelor #1. This guy seemed to have his shit together, he had a really good job, some killer fish pictures and seemed to be able to hold a conversation. I was pretty excited about the potential he had and couldn't wait to see what would come out of it. So messages led to texts and texts soon led to a lunch date. The conversation was still great in person even though I was only half paying attention because I was trying to figure out if he thought I looked like my pictures or not. Most of the dates I go on that is all I stress about. I just want to look as cute as I do in my pictures and hope that they aren't trying to think of the soonest way to exit the scene. We finished lunch, awkwardly hugged, and parted ways. I stared at my phone and went back and forth on if I should thank him for the date or wait for him to text me. Moments later I hear that magical ting and it was a text answering it all. Success! He still thought I was cute in person, loved my personality and wanted to keep talking. Oh, and I was still attracted to him after meeting in person. This has been an issue for me lately...Either they aren't tall enough, have some weird tick or don't look like their pics. In other words, I am being picky AF. I don't know why I am being so picky but I am looking for that spark that I had but lost...That's another story for another time...Anyway, I may have just lucked out. As I am driving home a thought comes into my head and I just can't shake it. I don't normally have to ask about my tattoos because usually it has come up in conversation already, but this time it hadn't. Needless to say, curiosity got the best of me....
Me - "How do you feel about tattoos?" (Patiently waits for the "So hot! Love them! Totally fine" comment)
Bachelor #1 - "Uh well how many?"
Me - "14....." (Shit)
A horribly long delay.....(Shit fuck shit damn)
Me - "Guess I already found a deal breaker?" (Why does this happen to me!?!?! I swear I'll stop being picky)
Bachelor #1 - "I'm trying to decide"
Me - "Uhh....." (NOOOOOO)
(See what I mean about me getting screenshots? This would have been way easier than typing it all.)
Bachelor #1 - "I hate to say anything negative about you. You are so cute and so sweet. I just don't find women with tattoos attractive."
So I hope you can imagine not only the expression of disbelief on my face but the blowing of my mind after reading this. BOOM. Along with a lot of shits, fucks, and are you kidding me....Really? I mean, really? Not only does every single picture on my profile have at least one of my tattoos showing, but I also mention being tattooed in my profile itself. So I repeat, really? I. I just. I just can't even. What?
Bachelor #1 - "Are they covered when you wear a tshirt and shorts?"
Me - "Uhh no....." (Did you see any of my pictures??? There's one showing a huge one on my calf. Oh, and I'm wearing shorts)
Bachelor #1 - "I'm sorry. I just can't. I don't think women with tattoos are attractive and I have to think about someone being a good role model for my daughter"
What? Just what? If throat punch was an emoji I would have sent 20 of them.
Me - "So did you not look at any of my pictures? They are showing in all of them?" (What kind of asshole are you?)
Bachelor #1 - "I guess I wasn't paying that close of attention. I'm sorry."
*Throat punch* *Throat punch* *Throat punch* *Throat punch* *Middle fucking finger*

I think that was a record for me in finding a deal breaker. I don't think I have ever found one that fast with anyone. My mind is literally blown at this conversation. I am not sure I have recovered all of the pieces to be honest. I couldn't decide what was worse, the fact that it took two seconds for someone to move me from attractive to unattractive or that tattoos were a deal breaker. Tattoos aren't for everyone, but I have never had anyone say that was a deal breaker. I can understand finding tattoos unattractive because you aren't into them, but to say someone is unattractive just because of the tattoos? Ridiculous. Obviously, I shouldn't be too disappointed about this discovery because it saved me from dating an unobservant, close minded asshole. So I shouldn't be too upset, but I would be lying if it didn't hurt my feelings.

In every picture! I can't get over it. If that is something that is so bothersome to you, wouldn't you pay attention to it a little bit more? Especially if it's a deal breaker? And how am I not a good role model??? I pay my bills, am a college graduate, have a house, an amazing credit score and I don't burn the house down when I bake. I am pretty sure that is a pretty decent role model if you ask me.*Throat punch*

I can smell your bullshit from here

  

    Lately, I have been contemplating my situation and I think I have come to a couple conclusions as to why I am in the spot I am. Dating has changed so much since even just when I started. It's changed even more so since say the 1950s. Society changes, people change, ideals change, and in the end that changes dating and the way people do it. Online dating is huge these days. I was on that band wagon before it was cool, but that's beside the point. People are busy anymore and don't have time to go try and meet someone. They also want more to choose from other than their shallow pool they are used to fishing in. It used to be that if you were going to end up with someone it was usually your neighbor across the street that you have known since you were in diapers. People are more mobile than ever and they like it that way. They like options.
  Thus, I came to my first conclusion. I feel as though I am part of a dying breed. I still look forward to finding someone to marry, working my problems out with and growing old together. In my search for Mr. Right I have found that it is becoming increasingly common for guys to be ok with just being Mr. Right Now. No one wants to have a committed relationship anymore. They want options and to have no obligations. Living free and easy. The amount of effort put into anything is nothing short of minimal. I guess call me old fashioned, but I am a lady and I want to be treated as such. Recently I had a guy I was talking to that had a problem with paying on the first date. While I don't expect the guy to pay for everything I do still think the gentlemanly thing to do is pay for the first date. At least. He refused to ask me on a date and just wanted to hang out. He wanted it to be casual and easy. I wasn't aware that a first date couldn't be? Maybe this is all part of the feminist movement where women want to be treated equally as a man.  Women want to feel just as in control of things as a man and they for some reason get offended when a guy pays. There is nothing threatening your Independent Woman status by letting a guy be a gentleman.
    Casual sex seems to be even more prevalent than ever. Women are starting to embrace their inner hoochie and running with it.  While there is no judgment here because as my previous blog post show I have had whorish moments myself. Just don't ask my roommate for what isn't in my blog. Totally kidding. Sort of.....   There is so much sex in society anymore that casual sex is the new lets go get coffee. The veil of the double standard is slowly being lifted and women are taking full advantage.  Just as I am a dying breed I feel as though the gentleman is as well. While I don't want to be taken care of in certain aspects I still view a man as a provider for a family, the strength the woman relies on (just as he does with her), and the protector of not only the structure of the family but the family itself. I don't know that I am anti feminist, but I am certainly ok with not being an equal to a man because I am not one. There are some badass women out there that can compete with the best of the boys, but that is certainly not me. I have enough on my plate with having to be able to lift dead people, onto a cot ,in front of a room full of people that already think I can't do it. I know I am not She Hulk and my lifting skills are limited. Sorry, drifting off point.
   So on top of the whole not being a gentleman issue I knew that he was talking to other girls. Perfectly fine. I wouldn't expect him to just talk exclusively to me when we haven't even met yet. The issue I had was that even though he said he was interested it really didn't seem like it. I had to ask him for attention. I felt like I was a child trying to get my mother's attention who was purposely tuning me out because I was being obnoxious. That is never a good feeling. So when I stopped trying to talk to him that's when he tried to talk to me again. One day. That was his trying to fix what was wrong. In the mean time, I had started checking out on this endeavor already and was finding some other options of my own.  Apparently, I took for granted his one instance of attention and I was the shittiest person ever. Sooooo let me get this straight. You are keeping your options open, but when I take you out as an option because you aren't acting interested and look for another I am the asshole? Got it. To think after all this time I had the definition of asshole completely wrong.
     As I said, I am not asking for someone I am merely talking to to only talk to me. That's a little crazy. All I am asking for is just a little unprompted attention to know you are interested. That way when I make an effort I don't feel like a jackass trying to talk to someone that is completely uninterested. What it boils down to is that people want options so that they can see if there is something better than the current one. So even if that one is a good fit there has to be one that fits better. Shoe shopping isn't even this complicated. If you like the shoe, the shoe fits, get it. Simple. It's an endless chase at trying to get something better when what could be better on the outside, might not be better on the inside. That heel might look good, but it's going to give you blisters and make your feet feel like it was crushed by a hammer. It's a chase that I am losing because no matter how great of a catch I am, there's always the thought of there could be better.
    So now for the second conclusion. This one hit me like a ton of bricks while I was watching How To Be Single with a friend of mine. There was moment in the movie where it brought up the point that sometimes after being single for so long that people don't know how to NOT be single. I had never actually thought about it before, but the more I mulled it around the more it made sense.  I haven't had a long term relationship that lasted longer than a year since Captain Douchbag and Cool Rider. I am hesitant to even say that with Cool Rider because there were some breaks and such but it was still longer than other relationships. I did live with him so there's that too I guess. I haven't had to compromise holidays, meet parents, or be socially obligated to a significant other in such a long time that the thought of it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Do I really want to meet your parents and crazy family? Do I really want to go to your cousin's niece's dog's birthday party? Do I need to bring a present? Do I even know how to be in a relationship anymore? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like my bullshit meter is set way too high just so that I can toss someone based on the BS rating and be done with it. However, in my defense I have had a lot of legitimate bullshit.
    I dated a guy briefly that looking back on it now was composed of about 90% bullshit. He didn't like to tell you the full story and there was always something he was hiding. He did lie, but not necessarily all the time. He just liked to think I was stupid and believed the crap he flipped me. My boots go up pretty high, but even I have my point of bullshit that I choose to walk through. If a liar's pants could catch on fire, I am pretty sure he would have run out of jeans. I dodged the piles tried watching where I stepped, but I always seemed to manage to find something. What makes it even worse is when they believe their own bullshit, regardless of what you have against them. He always said he was as good as his word. Well buddy, your word is a reeking pile of shit.

    My schedule doesn't help in this conclusion either. My free time is somewhat limited and it makes it hard for me to pick and choose what I want to spend it on. There are times when I am spent and I want to sit on my couch and catch up on all the shows I'm not watching. The thing is though is that when I do have free time and I choose to make time for someone I don't like it when they take it lightly. Mr. Bullshit liked to do this frequently. He was almost always late. Those of you that know me know that is one of my biggest pet peeves. I HATE when people are late all the time. Can't people be always early like me? If he wasn't late he would blow me off completely. When I would ask him about it I would get a half assed story and then find out later that he was actually talking to another girl or girls. Not sure on the plural since I only confirmed one, but I wouldn't be surprised. He was never reliable, there was always something that would come up or happen, or he would go MIA for hours at a time. I get it that things happen, but there is this thing that almost everyone has called a cell phone. All it takes is a text or a call to let the other person know what happened and not to sit around waiting. Crazy, I know.
   Sometimes I feel as though I have closed off so many things when it comes to dating that I don't know if I could ever even be in a relationship again. I would like to think I could be, but what if I am just kidding myself? Maybe I have been single so often that I don't know how to be anything else. It's a depressing thought, but it's a thought. In this new world of dating I feel so out of place. These damn millennials are ruining everything.

   

Dude, where's my car?

 There are quite a few people that don't know the juicy details about what happened with my last longer relationship. Ok it was ten months, but that's the longest I have had for a while. Don't judge me. I can proudly say that in all of my 29 years I have only had one crazy ex boyfriend. I think that's a pretty good streak if I do say so myself. Anyway, for those of you clinging to your seats for a good story you just hold on tight....Oh and this one will be a bit long. I tried to condense it as much as I could but if you know me you know I suck at summarizing. Here we go....
   If you haven't figured it out by now you know that I am pretty much a serial online dater. Not serial as in killer but as in my dating avenue. In my defense, there really aren't a lot of ways to meet people now days. I don't go to church, most of my friends are girls and they are married and apparently have no one to set me up with. So I use the resources I have....and I guess this is what I get. So this is the story of Grand Theft Auto. You think the name is great you just wait.....
     So I'll give you a guess where I met GTA. If you guessed the singles ward you would be incorrect. I met him online, of course. I have come to find that my interest level in the opposite sex is increasingly hard to hard to hold and even harder to be anything significant. With GTA I had the butterflies, I couldn't wait to talk to him or see him, and he made me feel special so when I started seeing red flags I pretty much just tried to ignore them and find justification for them. This is the first of many of my bad ideas in this relationship. The first of the many flags to pop up was when I found out that he had a criminal record and currently had a suspended license. By criminal record I don't mean a few speeding tickets but multiple DUI charges, eluding officers and other mischievous behaviors. Once again, don't judge. I know I should have probably just cut that off in the beginning, but he said he was working on himself and trying to change and don't you know I am a sucker for shit like that? You know a girl's weakness is a man that they can save. It's like our kryptonite. So the first incident that caused me to question my decision to date this guy happened when we went out for a drink with my family for my birthday. Mind you, he was on probation and really shouldn't have been in a bar and he was also lying to his family about doing said activity. My family and their opinion on who I date is very important to me so I was super nervous about GTA making a good impression with them. Yeah. About that....
    The night started out ok and everyone seemed to be getting along. GTA was spending A LOT of money on drinks for everyone trying to make nice. I was having a good time and getting pretty tuned up myself. Then all of a sudden shit hit the fan. Come to find out there was a creeper guy that was trying to make the moves on my aunt and GTA was encouraging him even though my aunt didn't want anything to do with the guy. It was making her extremely uncomfortable and then in turn upset my cousin's boyfriend and everyone else in my group. Next thing I know there is a scene being caused by him and I start crying. Did I mention it was my birthday? So then the next day I have to try to figure out what the hell was going on and try and get shit put back together. I chalk it up to a lot of drinking and just a mishap of the night.
    Time goes by and things are ok for the most part. The only time it gets a little shaky is when he drinks. He becomes unpredictable and I have no idea what I am in for. Most of the time I turn into an adult baby sitter and have to keep him from doing something stupid. Anytime I bring it up I get made into the bad guy because I am trying to change who he is and I need to just let him be himself. Yeah because being himself is awesome.....Like the time he took off on a Friday night and went and spent his entire paycheck, calls me at 2 am Saturday asking me to come get him because his friends left him and then you have to buy breakfast the next day because he is broke. Yes, I was mad about breakfast because he blew an entire paycheck. In one night. Who does that?? And how does he do that? Booze and coke come to find out. So he spends all day Sunday in bed hungover. In my defense I didn't find out about the coke part until down the road...
     The next big thing that comes up is Valentine's day. Keep in mind, there are actually a few incidences here and there in between my birthday and now. This is just already going to be a novel and most of them all involve him drinking so I am trying to give you the big things. Normally I don't really care for the holiday because I don't think you should celebrate your significant other on a single day but all year long. What do I know though since I can't seem to keep a significant other, but that's besides the point. Anyway, GTA knew how I felt about it but he wanted to make it a special time for the two of us. So he made reservations at a cottage in Lava Hot Springs to spend the weekend. I am over the moon about this because it sounds like a lovely idea. We would be staying in this quaint cottage in town and spend the weekend soaking in the hot pools and just hanging out around Lava. I couldn't wait. I tried to make his gift just as special and I got a few of his favorite things. When he drank he would drink beer and it was usually craft beer. He wasn't a fan of good old Bud Light unless that was all there was. He was quite the beer snob now that I think about it. I got him a six pack of one of his favorite craft beers, some of his favorite candies and some other assorted small gifts. This weekend away was going to be perfect I thought, or at least until we got there. We got the keys to our cottage and went to put our stuff inside and he immediately was unhappy. He said that it looked nothing like the pictures and thought it was going to be a lot nicer. I thought it was lovely and I told him as much. I calmed him down and I thought everything was fine as we went to our dinner reservation. While at dinner he of course started drinking. Things were fine until we got back to the cottage to change into our suits to go to the hot pool. He decided that he was going to talk to the manager and complain because it wasn't "what he was expecting". I told him to stop making a big deal out of it but he persisted. He then got into a huge yelling match with the owner who then told us that if we got our stuff and left immediately she wouldn't charge us for the room and wouldn't have the cops come and kick us out. As much as I love a man in uniform I certainly didn't want to see one to come and kick us of the premises.
    So while holding back tears I pack up my bag and get everything in the car and I am pretty much ready to head back to Idaho Falls. It took all I had to not yell at him for ruining everything. On the way back we ended up stopping in Pocatello to get a room because it was late and he wanted to try to make up the rest of the weekend. We ended up getting a suite in a local hotel room and stayed the rest of the weekend there. He however didn't do a very good job making up for things. The next day was decent until early afternoon. We went shopping and he was sober until dinner. I had to continually talk him out of wanting to go out to the bars for drinks. So he just drank at dinner instead. I then had to deal with him being drunk the rest of the night and hungover all day the next day. It was a pretty romantic Valentine's day I'll tell ya. When I get back to work the next week I then lie to everyone that asks about my weekend because I don't want to say what a piece of shit GTA is. This doesn't even cause me to break up with him. Yeah, I know. I'm an idiot.
   I am sure at this point you are wondering where the nickname came from. Don't you worry your pretty little head because I am getting there. So by this point in the relationship I am trying to figure out why in the hell I am still with him because I don't want to deal with this shit. My anxiety is through the roof and my entire weekend I spend stressed out worrying about what's going to happen next. The biggest thing that caused the problems was his drinking in case that wasn't obvious by now. There were a few weekends that he would come spend with me and I would ask him not to drink but that wouldn't last long. He would usually last a few hours until he went to the store down the street for beer. That or he would take a taxi and meet up with friends and spend all weekend with them drinking and he would come back on Sunday just in time for me to take him back home with a hangover. One weekend he ended up staying on Sunday night and his mom was going to come get him the next morning because I had to work. Did I mention he had a suspended license? Yeah, that got old really quick. Well I headed to bed since I had to work the next day. Normally I am a pretty light sleeper but that night I had a glass of wine before bed and it must have helped me sleep a little deeper than normal. Last thing I remember before dozing off is hearing him in the living room watching tv. I then get woken up at 2 am by knocks on my door.  I open the door to be greeted by two county police officers. "Ma'am, do you own a Honda Civic?"
I reply, "I sure do. Why do you ask?". The police officer then informs me that my car is not in my carport where I parked it but in a subdivision down the street and someone left it there and took off. Could you repeat that? I am trying to figure out what they are telling me and then I realize my car is gone. GONE. And GTA is no where to be found. Fit that puzzle piece now?
     So this person was being pulled over in my car for speeding and then proceeds to pull over, exit the car and run through a field away from officers. They ask, "Do you know why someone would do that?" Uhhhhhh. OMG. I am freaking out at this point and I am livid. I am also informed that a drug dog hit on my car. They ask if I know anything about why that would happen. I've never even smoked weed! After a few minutes the officers believe that I have no freaking clue about what happened with my car and ask if I have a spare key and they will take me to it. The officers leave to go look for him and I go back home to try and get some sleep since I still have to be to work at 7 am. I then hear a knock on my window shortly after and find GTA outside my bedroom asking to get in through the window. Being the idiot that I am I let him in but then I ask him what the hell?? I can't even remember the bullshit story he gave but I knew it was a lie I was just too tired to care. Oh, and he didn't even have my keys. He threw them in the field that he ran through trying to get away from the officers.
    Want to hear something funny? I stayed with him after that. Hah. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I apparently wasn't. Things with him and I were on pretty thin ice at this point though. I was pretty sure he was lying to me about things but I could never prove it. Well in one of his drunken nights he did finally admit to what he was doing with my car that night. He was doing a drug run. A mother fucking drug run. Coke was in my passenger seat. Coke was in my fucking car!!! I can't even deal. Think I broke up with him then? Pshhh......
   The breakup finally came when I finally caught him in a lie. He accidentally sent a text to me at 2 am asking where I was. I texted back and he obviously didn't respond. When I asked him about it the next day he said it wasn't him but his neighbor using his phone texting someone else. Uh huh. Right. I had to let it go because I couldn't argue anything. That is until I caught him in the lie. A coworker of mine happened to know his neighbor because her husband works with him. I found this out this same day and I asked her to talk to him for me. His response? He hasn't seen GTA in over a week. He was never with him that night or any night recently. So I called him out on it and got three different stories from him. He then called me a liar and a cheater since I must be sleeping with his neighbor if I know they weren't hanging out that night....He freaked out. He went from saying hurtful things to I'm sorry to don't leave to whatever do what you want. He continually blew up my phone for the next few days and couldn't understand why I didn't want to be friends with him. He is after all the world's best friend if our relationship has any indication.
    He finally mellowed out somewhat. He at least stopped texting me every day and asking when we can be friends and if he could see me. Not long after this I went to a bar here in town to hang out with a few friends. I was hesitant to even go because it was one of the ones he liked to frequent but I was just  hoping he wasn't around that night. He showed up out of no where and came up to me and started freaking out because I was sitting next to a guy and I guess he thought we still had a chance to work things out. Next thing I know there is a wall of men standing between him and I and someone is grabbing him to escort him out of the bar. Actually, I think it was Whiskey Casanova. He doesn't leave though but instead stands at the end of the parking lot and calls my phone and leaves nasty voicemails and sends rude texts as i sit inside. I pretty much get told that I can't leave without at least two people taking me to my car. I then make the uneasy trek home and hope to god that he doesn't show up at my door. You don't realize how alone you are in your house until you imagine scenarios in which you get harassed by your psychotic ex boyfriend.  I had never before contemplated a restraining order until that moment. Luckily I didn't have to deal with that very long because shortly there after he got his license back  he went and  got himself another DUI sending his ass back to jail. Happy days indeed. I never feared for my life with him, but he did make me feel uneasy and unsure of what he would actually do. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders when I found out he went to jail. The sad thing about all this is there are a lot of things I left out. Plenty of times when I should have kicked his ass to the curb and didn't. His sister in law even told me to run. When even their own family isn't behind them that is probably a bad sign.
   So I know what you are thinking. After all of those red flags it took you that long to end things? Yeah, I don't know what to tell you because looking back on it now I was an idiot and gave him way too many chances he didn't deserve. I am one of those people that has to experience things for my own or find out things on my own before I made a decision. I didn't want someone else telling me that I needed to leave him. I wanted it to be my decision and I wanted to know for a fact that things were really bad enough to do so. Well, they were pretty bad and I was slow on the uptake. All I can say is I never want to do that again. I never want to feel the way that I felt with him when we were together. There was so much anxiety, uncertainty, and worry and I absolutely hate feeling that way. So, in a pretty big nutshell that's it. This was probably the worst relationship that I have ever been in. That's saying a lot if you have been reading this from the beginning. What can I say? I just know how to pick em.

The morning after........

Back to square one....After another glorious attempt I am once again finding myself in the dating field once more. As the years pass I find myself becoming more and more pessimistic in my dating life. I really do try to hold on to positivity and stay a "glass is half full" kind of girl, but it is becoming more and more difficult to do these days. Although, that means good news for my blog because I have plenty of new stories to share, and those of you that are in an established and happy relationship can relish in the fact that you are not standing in my size 7 1/2 shoes. I can attest to the fact that you are not missing a good time.
    You aren't even missing an ok time. Really, even if you are miserable it is probably better than dating these days. Technology has crippled the art of dating. So many people are out of touch with emotions and how to deal with them that they are becoming zombies with their smartphones, ipads and tablets. A meaningful conversation is difficult to come by and so is the actual effort of getting to know someone. I can't tell you the last time that I remember being asked on a date. I have been asked to "hang out" plenty, but a date.... I don't know when the last time it was actually called a date. Oh wait, please hold. Or rather read on.....The process of getting to know someone has even changed. You no longer wait for that phone call, but text back and forth with little or no emotion and wait for the other person to misinterpret something you said. Then instead of calling one another to talk about what was said, an argument ensues and leads to more miscommunication and hurt feelings. Ahh, technology. How did we survive without you?
     As I have dived back into the dating pool I have come to expect certain things that follow on becoming single once again. One of those things are previous boyfriends. I am not sure if they have a radar or some tracking device they installed in me, but without fail there are at least two people that I have either dated or been in a relationship with before that come sniffing around again. Obviously things didn't work the second or third time around so I am not sure why you need round four..... Yeah, I make mistakes more than once. I have to be sure, ya know?
     Then there are people that I never dated but I was interested in or they were interested in me and some force prevented us from not getting together. My favorite is the Whiskey Casanova. The one that deep down has feelings for you, wants to date but has some reason (could be a good reason or total bullshit) not to, but the only reason you know this is because he is hanging out with Mr. Jack Daniels. Just like any other girl I like hearing nice things about myself, especially from the opposite sex. What's even better is when it is from someone that you are crushing on and you go back to high school days and start dreaming about the obvious proposal that is coming next and the china patterns you will be picking out. Or maybe that was just me. Whatevs.
     Just for fun, here's case in point-
     In my adult life the crushes I have had have been few and far between, but there has been one that has spanned over quite a few years. I'm talking almost Unicorn status. Almost. Please see previous blog post if you need to know what a Unicorn is.... Anyway, it had been quite a while since I had spoken to him and as I recall the last time went just about the same minus one big detail. If you can pick out that detail you win! Not a prize or anything but you can have the satisfaction of being a winner. Anywho,  a conversation was struck out of the blue one evening and although I was skeptical in the beginning I had decided to see how things would play out. Needless to say, I nailed it.  Our conversation started out with the basic, "Hey how are ya" and led to a question and answer session on why we never dated. Basically there were multiple misunderstandings on both sides because we both didn't think that either one of us wanted to pursue anything due to one big possible deal breaker (Kids and whether or not I wanted them). So as this conversation goes on I am wondering what in the hell the point is because it seemed as though he was just saying why he didn't want to date me. Awesome. Then, the conversation changed. It turned into one of those day dreams with him saying perfect things like, "You're amazing, you're beautiful, you are funny and an amazing catch". Yes, I know, but go on. I literally am sitting with my jaw dropped at the things he said he thought about me. Nothing dirty, don't be a pervert. I am a pretty modest person, most of the time, and I never would have thought those things ran through his head about me. The kicker was he said that he has thought these things for years. YEARS. WTF?? So now I am thoroughly confused and intrigued and he moved the conversation to uncharted territory. He asked me out on a date. An actual date. Not a hang out, not netflix and chill, a date. Mind blown. Maybe this time things would actually happen or see if they could happen.....
    Que the morning after.....
   I try to start a conversation with a nice "Good Morning" and the response I get back? "Yeah, about last night.... I didn't mean to say that much." Yeah.....that's cool. No prob. Let me just pick up those rainbows and unicorns and tuck them back in. Seriously....I can't make this shit up.
    I don't have time for this shit. I am almost 30 and I'm still looking for someone to be my companion and this is what I am working with. Why would you open up something like that only to take it all back? I know that I am totally guilty of using liquid courage to get my feelings out there, but I don't take back what I said. Even when I make a complete ass of myself. I was completely open to just seeing where things went, regardless of if it worked out or not. It was a total let down. Not only did it hurt me, but it pissed me off. I felt as though it was just a bait and switch on my feelings. Something thrown out there for me to try to grab onto but gets pulled out of reach. I should have just listened to myself with the suspicions I had. I hate it when I am right sometimes. In his defense, I don't think it was done on purpose but it still sucked because this wasn't the first time.
    So besides the Whiskey Casanova there are guys that are what I like to call Bargain Shoppers. These guys are the ones that are interested, but they are also looking around for other deals too. Case in point when I get passed up not once but twice for two different girls. Now to be fair we weren't dating really and we definitely weren't in a relationship so I can't get too mad at him for going after other girls. What gets me is I get the same spiel from him that I got from Whiskey Casanova. He tells me how beautiful I am, that I have my shit together, I am goal oriented and I am basically a total catch. Yet, he went with two different girls that I could tell by looking at them were not what he "said" he was looking for instead. Huh. Yeah, I don't get it either. The thing in all of this is trying not to take it personally. I know I'm not a 10, but I am at least a solid 7.5 and I think I am a pretty decent catch, but when you think that and get told that and still get passed up it's hard not to take that personally. Am I missing something? I guess bar hopping, crazy train females are the new black and I'm wearing yellow.
    I am not trying to pull a poor me by any means. I am the one that picks the guys I am interested in so obviously I need to change that up a bit and go for a different caliber of men. I have even thought that maybe if I went somewhere else that maybe I would have better luck with men, but I think I would just pick out the same type in a new town....*Sigh* I suppose it is a new year and time for a new outlook and setting on my man scope.....Here we go again.