Oh, honey. Aw, sugar sugar

Technically, I am not sure I can even count this guy as an ex. I have never met the guy in person, but the "relationship" we had at times did seem like we were. Yeah, another internet thing. I started talking to Sugar Daddy about six years ago. Maybe seven. I was a member on this random website that was kind of like Myspace or Facebook, but they did a lot of photo rating to get points to buy "stuff" for other people. It was a waste of time, basically. So he happened to message me one day and we started talking. We would talk pretty regularly on the computer and eventually texted each other and called. Our personalities worked well together. We both are a little nerdy. He is the one that got me into the fantastic Doctor Who. I'm sure most of you don't know what that is and that's ok. Most people I talk to about it have no clue what I am even saying. 

 Anyway, if he really did look like the pictures that he sent me then he looked pretty damn good. I will never know for sure, but he probably doesn't. I could have been talking to some overweight guy that was just really lonely. As I said, we started talking a while ago. He was kind of in between a lot of relationships. There would be a small amount of time where we wouldn't talk to one another and then would start up again. He really proved to be a person I could talk to pretty easily about a lot of different things. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was never face to face with him and just sending him texts and having phone conversations. I almost am embarrassed at how close I felt to him because all he was was a phone call. He helped me through a lot of different things. 

Now, why call him Sugar Daddy you ask? That is pretty much what he was. The best part of it all was that I didn't have to have sex with him or do anything in order for him to want to give me something. Pretty sweet, huh? I promise I'm not a gold digger or anything.... I still to this day don't know how he got his money. The only story that I have I can't really trust is true, but at the same time it's a story that I would feel bad not believing. When he was 16 his parents got into a car accident. They were hit by a drunk driver and both of them died. He doesn't have any siblings and no family living around him. So, his parents had a pretty decent life insurance policy that he has been living off of ever since. To my knowledge he doesn't work and he doesn't have to. Makes me sound pretty mean to not believe that, huh? 

I'm not sure why it started, but he started wanting to get me things for my birthday or for Christmas. Then it turned into him getting me things just to get me things. This last year for my birthday he got me a fantastic present. I have a HUGE love for all things Tim Burton and he sent me a copy of a limited release book full of his drawings and inspirations for movies. It's fantastic. He's sent me: all but the first season of True Blood, the entire series of Angel, the entire series of Torchwood, all of Dr who, the first season of glee, one of my Sookie books, he sent me $400 to put towards my corpse bride tattoo, multiple Victoria Secret gift cards (my underwear collection exploded), an Ohio jersey, shirt and sweatshirt, a My Zombie Pony sweatshirt and t shirt, and I think that might be it. At least I can't think of anything else right now. Seriously though. I've NEVER met the guy. 

I tried to get him to come visit multiple times. Every time that it would get close to him coming to visit something would happen. It never failed. He hurt himself or something. I don't even know. I finally just gave up on the fact that I would never meet him. Which is fine. I'm not sure I really want to ruin that. I think he is better left as a mystery. Even lately (as in like 6 months ago or so) he had said that he was ready to come and see me. It ended up in a fight because I had started talking to Cool Rider again. I will get to him in a while. He is the most current one :)  He got upset that I basically wasn't waiting for him. I'm not getting any younger here and I was tired of just having texts and phone calls with him. I think he finally gets that we aren't going to meet now because he sees that I am pretty content where I am at. We still talk a little here and there because he still is great to talk to. I care about him even though nothing really ever came of us talking. I would feel sad if we ever stopped talking completely, but I am pretty sure that there will be a day when we do. I'll miss him. Oh, and the gift cards.

Head on out to the Rodeo

Well, its been a bit. Sorry about that. I got caught up in some things. I don't really think many are sitting around waiting for my next post anyway, but I like to feel like someone is. Maybe. So you will be happy to know that the next guy on the list I didn't actually meet on the internet. *GASP* Crazy, I know. This guy I met from a friend of mine that I went to school with. I kind of feel bad writing about him since she will most likely read this, but I'm not going to bash him or anything. She had mentioned him previous to when we actually met and nothing really ever came of it. It was just a, "Hey this guy saw your picture and thought you were cute" kind of thing. 

The night that we met he was actually dating someone else at the time. I had gone over to a bar that my friend was at to say hi to her for her birthday. When I got there I felt a little weird just because she was pretty much the only person that I knew there. Those that know me know that I am a pretty shy person. I guess looking back on it we didn't actually meet that night. I can't even remember if we were introduced or if she just told me who he was, but that's besides the point. The next day I got a text from her asking if she could give my number to this guy or if I would want his number to text him.  I wasn't aware until later that he was dating someone at the time, but he had pretty much broken up with her that night after the bar. Once the texting between the two of us started, so began my relationship with Wyatt Earp. 


I was a little reluctant with this one. Mostly, it was because we were on very opposite sides of the spectrum. Living in Idaho you would think that I would be into hunting, fishing, and all that outdoor stuff. Not so much. I'm a fan of the city, flush-able toilets, and heating. I can at least knock it because I have at least tried it before. I get really bored fishing, I really didn't like the time I went hunting, and I only like camping if there is some plumbing near by. He, on the other hand, loved all this stuff. He loved to hunt, fish, camp, and he was even a rodeo clown. Yep. I said it. Rodeo clown. I'm not saying anything is wrong with it, but those that know me know that is not really something I am a fan of. I really don't like rodeos. I feel way too bad for the animals that get chased, roped and ridden all over the place to be able to enjoy myself. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be chased, tackled and then hog tied. I'm sure as hell those animals are scared to death. 


Anyway, so there is an idea about where this all is headed. Like I said before, I am not gonna bash on the guy at all. He really is a nice guy, but just wasn't for me. Things went ok at first, like they always seem to, but gradually things started to fall apart. So I know that when you are in a relationship you have to compromise. I agreed to go watch some bull riding at a ranch that him and his friends go to merely because I wanted to spend time with him. I stepped out of my comfort zone and went along because it was just the thing to do. I also got to spend time with my friend as well so that was on the plus side. I tried my best to put on a happy face watching those cowboys ride bulls and run around in the dirt and manure. I did such a good job of it that he wanted to do it every Sunday. Every. Sunday. Argh. So this brought up a little disagreement because I didn't want to do that every Sunday, but then he came back at me and said that I should be more open minded to the things that he liked to do so that we could build common interests. No matter what, I'm not going to have an interest in a rodeo. Sorry. I made yet another compromise and said that we could find something else to do but I wasn't going to go watch bull riding every Sunday. 


Wyatt eventually found something else for us to try and do together. Of course it was something that I really wasn't fond of, but I went anyway. We went fishing. Yeah, I know a lot of you out there like fishing and think it's fun and relaxing, but I don't. I find it boring and most of the time I was fishing when it was cold outside since a lot of the spring in Idaho is usually chilly. I hate being cold. I don't want to go sit for hours on a bank or in a boat casting a line in the water and wait for a fish to bite my hook, but once again I gave a little. We went on an all day fishing trip with his dad. Not only was it awkward because I had never really been around his dad, but I got to sit there all day in a chair on the bank watching them fish. They only had two poles and he wanted me to just come along for the trip. Fun. Thank god they brought a blanket for me. 

I'm trying not to get discouraged with this one and give Wyatt a chance, but there always seemed to be something that popped up that showed just how different we really were. I know they say that opposites attract, but in this case it wasn't working. It really kind of showed to me how different we were when it came to the bedroom. I'll try not to get too personal or anything here so I don't make any of you blush. He was boring. Like vanilla boring. Granted, I'm not some dominatrix or anything with whips and chains but I like to have a little spice. One weekend I came and stayed the night at his place. He lived about an hour away from me. Since I was going to be in the area I wanted to stop at a store that they had in the town next to his. We didn't really have a store quite like it where I lived so when I was in the area I liked to stop by.

 I figured that this would be a good time to test the waters with him and see if he was as open as he wanted me to be. The store we went to was the Silver Foxx. It has a lot of novelty stuff, but it also has a lot of "other" stuff. I really hope you get me because I am not really sure how else to explain it other than being blunt. It's a sex store basically. There, I said it. It has stuff that's tame like oils, lube, games, lingerie, stripper shoes, and stuff for a bachelorette or bachelor party. They also have a back room. The back room is for videos, toys, and things of that nature. So, I brought him along with me and we went to check it out. We spent a little bit in the front room, but I told him that I wanted to go check out the stuff in the back. He said that he was going to wait there. Really? It was like pulling teeth to get him to go back there with me. I'm sure that makes me sound mean to make him go back there, but there really weren't horrible things back there or anything. We had also had a conversation about stuff like that and he said that he was open to trying things he never had done before. As soon as he walked back there it was like a wall slammed shut. Conversation pretty much ceased and he almost pulled off that deer in the headlights look. He barely lasted the three minutes we were back there. 


I'm sure I shouldn't have been annoyed by this but I was. On one hand he said he liked doing things his way (one way, every time), but was open to things to try. I also felt like a hooch or something because just about everything I had talked about he had never done, and I didn't even talk about all that much. I was also annoyed because it made my efforts to try to be interested or try things he liked to do just seem pointless. That weekend it all just kind of boiled to the surface with me and I just couldn't look past it anymore. The straw that broke the camel's back was when we had a conversation about my tattoos. He asked if I was going to get anymore and I told him that I probably was. He then asked, "If I asked you not to would you not get one?" I looked at the western novels that were sitting on the head board of his bed next to his cowboy hat and decided I just couldn't do it. I couldn't deal with the ropin', rootin', tootin' rodeo clown that he was. Wyatt and I just weren't going to make it. 


He really was/is a nice guy and a gentleman. I just unfortunately couldn't get along with his cowboy side. The hardest part was explaining to him why I couldn't see him anymore. The best I had was, "It just isn't working". I tried to explain to him that even though we could try to compromise and try to get into the other person's interest but the fact of the matter is, is that I don't want to deal with that the rest of my life. Deal is probably a strong word, but I guess I was just trying to say I can't do cowboy. For hell's sake I still am trying to figure out the big deal about Wranglers. Maybe I just haven't seen a good enough butt in one, but to be honest they just aren't as drool worthy as some girls make them seem. If anything they seem less flattering to me. I think my picture above proves my point. Man, I really am living in the wrong state.


 

Now I want a cupcake

The next few years bring some juggling and jumping around of men. I'm not going to lie, I probably won't get the timing on the next ones exact. The timing isn't important. At least not super important. Anyway, this next fella is kind of a complicated story. Cupcake was someone that started out just being someone to talk to. You guessed it, on the internet. I stress to you the fact that I am a very shy, introverted human being and I had a hard time conversing with the opposite sex. In the beginning, Mr. Compton had just come home from serving in Iraq. I believe I was about 17 when we started talking. He was living in North Carolina at the time and so obviously there was no way that we could have an actual relationship. That and the fact that I was currently in one when we started talking with Captain Douchebag. I know, I know. How awful am I? Once again in my defense, I was 17. I was an idiot. 

Why Cupcake you ask? I have no idea. I called him that once and no matter how hard I try I can't remember. I know it was funny though. I think. Also, I couldn't really find any other name to call him without using his real name, so Cupcake it is. Anyway, over the next couple of years we kept in touch and became rather close. I talked to him quite frequently and oddly enough developed some kind of feelings for him even though I had never actually met the guy. We had quite a bit in common. He shared my love for TMNT, zombies and even had a Jack Skelington Tattoo. I really was starting to think that maybe my Jack wasn't in Idaho and quite possibly in North Carolina instead. Our personalities played off each other very well and we could talk about anything. Looking back on it though I realize how much different I really was then than how I am now. I almost seemed needy at that point in time. Possibly because I was lost and felt alone now that my once stable and "perfect" relationship was falling to pieces. I think I just liked the fact that I could talk to and relate to Cupcake so well. As my previous relationship crumpled, the topic of meeting one another came to a head. 

I am not always a patient person. I try to be, but sometimes I just can't help myself. This is one of those cases that I was losing my patient quite quickly. If you listened to the conversations we had with one another we sounded as though we had been in a relationship for quite some time. I was getting tired of having a half ass relationship over the phone and not having someone I could actually see and touch. We eventually came to the conclusion that it would happen soon at some point. While we were planning this whole meet and greet thing, he started acting differently towards me.

 I tried to just brush it off and think it was just all in my head, but he was definitely not his normal self. Usually when I talked to Cupcake it was at least once a day, sometimes twice, and it was usually for a fairly decent amount of time. I had gotten off the phone with him from one of our conversations and had a strange feeling come over me.  I tried to brush it off, but instead I decided I was going to call him back just to make sure everything was ok. I called and it rang and rang until voicemail picked up. I waited a couple minutes and tried again. Still got the voicemail. I tried texting him asking what was going on. No response. Dandy. I tried contacting him over the next week and a half and never got a response. No text back, no calls back, nothing. I would like to know what it is about me that makes men just stop talking to me. Seriously, it's the second time now. Wtf?

After no response at all I am forced to move on. I couldn't help but feel hurt and betrayed by him because of the way we were with one another. I never would have guessed that he would have done that to me. He never indicated that he no longer wanted to talk to me or was no longer interested. I was at a loss. Of course, about a year down the road I eventually hear from Cupcake. Out of the blue I get him on my Yahoo messenger sending me an IM. Naturally, I freak the fuck out on him. He goes into the I'm sorry and I never meant to hurt you, but then he says what really happened. He said that the whole reason that he stopped talking to me was because he had gotten into drugs (cocaine) and was afraid that I would judge him for having a problem. Wow, that was kind of a blow to my character and my mind. In his absence he had gotten help and was clean. He hated the fact that he had lied to me about things when we talked because he had to cover up stuff that he was doing. 

We start talking again. Small conversations here and there. I am still weary about the guy and kind of not sure if I am interested in investing in him again. He was currently living in Arizona so he was at least a little closer than before. Over the next year or so we talk on and off. It never really lasted too long because honestly I usually lost interest. One of the times that we were "on" it was around Halloween one year. I being the lonely, single girl that I was sad that on yet another Halloween I still didn't have a date. I usually didn't have dates on holidays after the Captain. Not sure why, but it just never worked out that way. Well me and my big mouth said, "Well it's short notice (the day before Halloween) but it's too bad that you can't come with me to the party I am going to."  So what does he do? He says, "Why not? It's only a 14 hour drive." Uhh. Shit. So he gets his happy ass in his truck and drives 14 hours to come and hang out with me on Halloween. 

The more I talk about this story the more I feel like a bitch, but I really never intended things to go the way that they did. Cupcake gets in town and we put together a half ass vampire costume to go with my bff's and my costume from True Blood. The costume actually wasn't all that bad. We all start out at a friend's house for a little pre-gaming before heading to the bar. This really wasn't a good plan. It was kind of awkward seeing as it was the first time we had seen each other in person and he gets to meet me around a bunch of people he didn't know. For the most part things went ok. He was well, alright. I think I was so worried about what people thought about him that I ended up judging him unfairly. Anyway, as the night progressed the tension just kind of built up between us. I felt like he wasn't having fun, I was worried my friends didn't like him, and he was talking about stuff that he didn't need to talk about. He basically professed his love of me to my friends and divulged our entire back story to people he didn't know. I guess that is what I am kind of doing now, but this is completely different.

At the end of the evening I just wanted him to go home. I was feeling way too conflicted and I had actually wished I had just kept my mouth shut about him coming here. Like I said, I feel like a bitch in this post but he is almost like a little puppy dog. He just started getting into things that I wasn't ready to talk about yet. He wanted us to basically be boyfriend/girlfriend, he wanted to think about possibly moving around me so that it could work, and and just other things that at that point shouldn't have been talked about. It just made me feel like I was in a vise and being squeezed to my breaking point. It was a lot thrown at me all at once. When he left he naturally made status updates on his Facebook on the way home about how horrible the trip went and blah blah blah. 

I still talk to him occasionally and even went to visit him in Arizona. Mind you, it wasn't all to see him. I was mostly going so that I could check out a college that I was potentially going to enroll in. He just happened to live near by, I didn't want to go check things out by myself....It worked quite well for me. On that trip we were actually getting along really well. He wasn't talking about anything too serious. He had a habit of jumping right to the punchline with things, like I said earlier. On the last night of my trip him and two of his friends (husband and wife) took me out to a strip club. I had said that I had never been to one and they decided that they would take me and show me what it was all about. Everyone was having a good time and getting a little drunk. That was until he asked me what things were between us. Talk about a buzz kill. I had specifically had a conversation before I came to AZ that he just needed to chill out and let things play out how they are going to. I told him that if he put all the pressure on me and expectations right away I was just going to push away. So what does he do? ARGH.  


I had to sit at the bar feeling horribly uncomfortable until our cab came to get us. It was so awful. I didn't even want to talk to him and he knew it. When we got back to the hotel I just wanted to go to bed so that I could get up and go to the airport. Cupcake ended up staying over, his friends did as well since they were all drunk, and he decided that he wanted to hash things out right then. I was drunk and didn't really feel like doing this, but I apparently didn't get a say so I went along with it. After a bunch of drunk talking and crying he finally let me go to sleep. The ride to the airport the next morning was awful. This was the last visit in person that we had with one another. 


I still talk to him on occasion. Mostly just a text here or there or a response to something on Facebook. God, his Facebook. He is really kind of emo. He posts so many depressing things sometimes and there are always ones directed at me. He also has told me that he can't move on because he will never find someone to love like he loved me. So now I feel horribly guilty about him and the fact that he still pines for me. Wow, that makes me sound cocky. It's true though. Not even sure why. I really do wish he could find some girl that would make him happy and not treat him like crap, but he won't move on and stop comparing everyone to me. Instead, he goes and gets drunk all the time and picks up girls at the bar. Whatever I guess. I still wish that I could remember the story behind why I called him Cupcake. I tried texting him about it, but he ignored me and didn't respond. Man, that's his biggest pet peeve too. Jerk.