Wednesday, March 23, 2016

I can smell your bullshit from here

  





    Lately, I have been contemplating my situation and I think I have come to a couple conclusions as to why I am in the spot I am. Dating has changed so much since even just when I started. It's changed even more so since say the 1950s. Society changes, people change, ideals change, and in the end that changes dating and the way people do it. Online dating is huge these days. I was on that band wagon before it was cool, but that's beside the point. People are busy anymore and don't have time to go try and meet someone. They also want more to choose from other than their shallow pool they are used to fishing in. It used to be that if you were going to end up with someone it was usually your neighbor across the street that you have known since you were in diapers. People are more mobile than ever and they like it that way. They like options.
  Thus, I came to my first conclusion. I feel as though I am part of a dying breed. I still look forward to finding someone to marry, working my problems out with and growing old together. In my search for Mr. Right I have found that it is becoming increasingly common for guys to be ok with just being Mr. Right Now. No one wants to have a committed relationship anymore. They want options and to have no obligations. Living free and easy. The amount of effort put into anything is nothing short of minimal. I guess call me old fashioned, but I am a lady and I want to be treated as such. Recently I had a guy I was talking to that had a problem with paying on the first date. While I don't expect the guy to pay for everything I do still think the gentlemanly thing to do is pay for the first date. At least. He refused to ask me on a date and just wanted to hang out. He wanted it to be casual and easy. I wasn't aware that a first date couldn't be? Maybe this is all part of the feminist movement where women want to be treated equally as a man.  Women want to feel just as in control of things as a man and they for some reason get offended when a guy pays. There is nothing threatening your Independent Woman status by letting a guy be a gentleman.
    Casual sex seems to be even more prevalent than ever. Women are starting to embrace their inner hoochie and running with it.  While there is no judgment here because as my previous blog post show I have had whorish moments myself. Just don't ask my roommate for what isn't in my blog. Totally kidding. Sort of.....   There is so much sex in society anymore that casual sex is the new lets go get coffee. The veil of the double standard is slowly being lifted and women are taking full advantage.  Just as I am a dying breed I feel as though the gentleman is as well. While I don't want to be taken care of in certain aspects I still view a man as a provider for a family, the strength the woman relies on (just as he does with her), and the protector of not only the structure of the family but the family itself. I don't know that I am anti feminist, but I am certainly ok with not being an equal to a man because I am not one. There are some badass women out there that can compete with the best of the boys, but that is certainly not me. I have enough on my plate with having to be able to lift dead people, onto a cot ,in front of a room full of people that already think I can't do it. I know I am not She Hulk and my lifting skills are limited. Sorry, drifting off point.
   So on top of the whole not being a gentleman issue I knew that he was talking to other girls. Perfectly fine. I wouldn't expect him to just talk exclusively to me when we haven't even met yet. The issue I had was that even though he said he was interested it really didn't seem like it. I had to ask him for attention. I felt like I was a child trying to get my mother's attention who was purposely tuning me out because I was being obnoxious. That is never a good feeling. So when I stopped trying to talk to him that's when he tried to talk to me again. One day. That was his trying to fix what was wrong. In the mean time, I had started checking out on this endeavor already and was finding some other options of my own.  Apparently, I took for granted his one instance of attention and I was the shittiest person ever. Sooooo let me get this straight. You are keeping your options open, but when I take you out as an option because you aren't acting interested and look for another I am the asshole? Got it. To think after all this time I had the definition of asshole completely wrong.
     As I said, I am not asking for someone I am merely talking to to only talk to me. That's a little crazy. All I am asking for is just a little unprompted attention to know you are interested. That way when I make an effort I don't feel like a jackass trying to talk to someone that is completely uninterested. What it boils down to is that people want options so that they can see if there is something better than the current one. So even if that one is a good fit there has to be one that fits better. Shoe shopping isn't even this complicated. If you like the shoe, the shoe fits, get it. Simple. It's an endless chase at trying to get something better when what could be better on the outside, might not be better on the inside. That heel might look good, but it's going to give you blisters and make your feet feel like it was crushed by a hammer. It's a chase that I am losing because no matter how great of a catch I am, there's always the thought of there could be better.
    So now for the second conclusion. This one hit me like a ton of bricks while I was watching How To Be Single with a friend of mine. There was moment in the movie where it brought up the point that sometimes after being single for so long that people don't know how to NOT be single. I had never actually thought about it before, but the more I mulled it around the more it made sense.  I haven't had a long term relationship that lasted longer than a year since Captain Douchbag and Cool Rider. I am hesitant to even say that with Cool Rider because there were some breaks and such but it was still longer than other relationships. I did live with him so there's that too I guess. I haven't had to compromise holidays, meet parents, or be socially obligated to a significant other in such a long time that the thought of it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Do I really want to meet your parents and crazy family? Do I really want to go to your cousin's niece's dog's birthday party? Do I need to bring a present? Do I even know how to be in a relationship anymore? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like my bullshit meter is set way too high just so that I can toss someone based on the BS rating and be done with it. However, in my defense I have had a lot of legitimate bullshit.
    I dated a guy briefly that looking back on it now was composed of about 90% bullshit. He didn't like to tell you the full story and there was always something he was hiding. He did lie, but not necessarily all the time. He just liked to think I was stupid and believed the crap he flipped me. My boots go up pretty high, but even I have my point of bullshit that I choose to walk through. If a liar's pants could catch on fire, I am pretty sure he would have run out of jeans. I dodged the piles tried watching where I stepped, but I always seemed to manage to find something. What makes it even worse is when they believe their own bullshit, regardless of what you have against them. He always said he was as good as his word. Well buddy, your word is a reeking pile of shit.


    My schedule doesn't help in this conclusion either. My free time is somewhat limited and it makes it hard for me to pick and choose what I want to spend it on. There are times when I am spent and I want to sit on my couch and catch up on all the shows I'm not watching. The thing is though is that when I do have free time and I choose to make time for someone I don't like it when they take it lightly. Mr. Bullshit liked to do this frequently. He was almost always late. Those of you that know me know that is one of my biggest pet peeves. I HATE when people are late all the time. Can't people be always early like me? If he wasn't late he would blow me off completely. When I would ask him about it I would get a half assed story and then find out later that he was actually talking to another girl or girls. Not sure on the plural since I only confirmed one, but I wouldn't be surprised. He was never reliable, there was always something that would come up or happen, or he would go MIA for hours at a time. I get it that things happen, but there is this thing that almost everyone has called a cell phone. All it takes is a text or a call to let the other person know what happened and not to sit around waiting. Crazy, I know.
   Sometimes I feel as though I have closed off so many things when it comes to dating that I don't know if I could ever even be in a relationship again. I would like to think I could be, but what if I am just kidding myself? Maybe I have been single so often that I don't know how to be anything else. It's a depressing thought, but it's a thought. In this new world of dating I feel so out of place. These damn millennials are ruining everything.